The rough start to 2014

January 1 was celebrated because all I could think of is winter passing by faster and daylight lasting longer. January 3 I was laid off. Of course it was like a terrible blow of absolute fear and terror after going through so much barely a year earlier with loosing the farm.

I've submitted resume's to many companies and no calls or interviews yet but I do have unemployment and a little savings and so we are still able to survive for a time.February started out with Kylie and I getting the flu, I got it really bad and had to break down and go to the doctor and almost thought I'd have to go to the hospital.

A couple of nights ago the brake peddle on the truck seemed low and then of course the brake warning light comes on. The breaks had gone completely out on the truck about 3 years ago scaring me half to death, I had the whole thing redone and thought that would be the last thing that would go on the truck.

January was a month of below zero temps, snow and ice. I religiously went to the barn late at night to make sure the horses had hay to keep them warm, I took care of the ponies and dealt with the outside weather.

I have debated why God would allow me to be laid off, I know that sometimes changes or loss happen to make way for bigger and better things. It has taken me weeks for my mind to settle, being really sick forced me to lay down and shut up and rest. Rest, after maybe the hardest 2 years I can remember and finally my thoughts are quiet and I feel better and healthier.

A very good friend who has a friend that has his own private little garage took the truck tonight to fix it. The cost will be a lot less than taking it to a local mechanic shop, it has to be fixed or no wood and no hay, plus the four wheel drive is good for late night trips to the barn.

I am not sure about the future, I know I'll get a job when the mortgage season picks up or I'll get another job in banking. Maybe I'll be charged up and ready for a new job, but one thing is for sure, God is all that I have that is for certain and I am going to hold Him to His promises and that is where my hope rests. 

Mighty cold out there

I go to the barn late at night on the nights that it is close to zero or below out. I give our horses water and extra feed and hay. The fluctuation in temperatures can increase the chance of colic so my horses get soaked beet pulp twice a day and I give them some at night when it's really cold like last night. I keep the soaked beet pulp in a heated bucket so it doesn't freeze and it stays warm for them. Cody and Aubrey got beet pulp with a little grain on top and two flakes of hay and some fresh water in there buckets.

I know the water will freeze fast but they get a chance to drink some and there is water in the soaked beet pulp to keep them hydrated. We usually take them out of there stalls to move them around so they can increase their body temperature but last night we didn't because it was so cold. They were out earlier in the day, one thing about boarded horses is they need to move around some even if it's cold to keep their guts moving. Today will make sure they get a little exercise. They have coats on which I didn't want to put on at all this year but seeing as how this is the coldest winter I can remember I think it was a good idea, even Pony and Bit have coats on now.

Of course, the two little horses here at home are in good shape. I got them a big round bale of second cutting orchard grass from Mr. R's farm which was great, his price is very reasonable compared to what others are charging around here. Kylie was gone for the weekend and I wasn't sure I could get the bale out of the back of the truck by myself, after all it is 700 to 1000lb. I took the tail gate off and I backed the truck up next to their building so that when they went out to eat they would have protection from the wind, then I climbed my 48 year old body up into the bed of the truck.  I tried pushing it out the bale by facing it with my two arms first and it didn't budge, then I turned around and put my posterior against it and gave a shove, it moved, I did the bump side to side and it moved to the end of the bed and then it flipped right out of the bed of the truck. Victory was mine.

The ponies have a mineral block to keep them drinking, lots of hay and a heated bucket. Their little building is not drafty either so other than than being challenged right now to strip their stall they are in good shape. Everything is frozen in their stall and it is hard to clean and dump manure right now so I've been moving stuff to the back of their stall but I will be stripping it soon. I have plenty of sawdust that I brought in on my truck earlier this month so I will get them sorted out soon.

The poor dogs have to go out and potty, the sillies insist on sniffing around before they actually go and by then they start to feel the cold on their feet. This morning they managed to all go potty but not before I had to go out and carry a couple of them in. They drop to the ground when their paws freeze, the goldens last longer but the two herding dogs just can't tolerate the frozen ground.

I put a heat lamp in the garage for Tiger Lilly the cat, she is snug in her bed now with the lamp pointed in her direction. The garage has heat but I have to keep it very low so the propane lasts, it is usually warm enough for her but last night was just too cold. She is really having a good sleep with the extra warmth coming from the heat lamp. I do my best to care for everyone, the fireplace insert does keep the house warm enough but I even keep a little heater on next to the birds cages to make sure they are always extra warm because they are tropical birds.

As for me, I layer up and have a hat, a head band and a ski mask on, decent boots and gloves and several layers of shirts on. I tolerate the cold rather well but poor Kylie can't tolerate it well at all. I suppose it's because I've had to take care of the horses all of these years and am used to being out in the cold. I guess a few layers of extra fat doesn't hurt either.

It has been a very bad winter, probably the worst I can remember. One thing is for sure, with these cold below freezing temps there will be fewer problems in the summer with bugs, it kills everything off like fleas etc. or at least the eggs. That is one and probably the only positive about these really cold temps.

Of course, the old folks suffer, the heat bills are insane, the animals suffer and it's just really bad in an already bad economy. I know I am blessed because I have an old but reliable truck which allows me to go and see our horses, go to the store, bring the hay and wood to the house etc. in any kind of weather. I am able to keep us warm at a reasonable cost because of the fireplace and I have a home now that is well insulated and I have the experience with the horses to at least make them more comfortable through all of this. I can also lift a pretty good size dog and carry it to the house if necessary!

I pray for better days for everyone, that the seniors will survive and that God will be with the ones who don't have family members to care for them. I pray for the animals that are victims in this cold weather that don't have someone to look after them that God will provide for them. I pray for a new job and for all the people struggling in out country today just to survive each day. There are many struggling, families and seniors. It's hard times for many. 

Survival

I haven't been in the mood the last couple of weeks to write anything. Besides battling the weather I was laid off the beginning of January. I have never been laid off and never had to collect unemployment until now. I had a sinus infection for a month and since my benefits run out at the end of January I got some medication and got my teeth filled.

Pony got sick the week before I was laid off, first time I had to call a vet in 16 years for any of the horses, he kind of got collicky with the weather snap, he's okay now.

The first week off I did sleep a lot, I was just tired, I hadn't had a break since before leaving the farm and I just let myself rest and take medicine and now I actually feel a lot better than I have in a long time.

I spend time submitting job applications, and the rest of the time is trying to take everything in this terrible weather. I have the little ponies here at home and the big ones at a boarding barn. When it is zero out I go to the barn late at night and give them extra hay and water. Most of the time at home is spent feeding the fire to keep the house warm.

The furnace seldom comes on because the fireplace insert keeps the house pretty warm, propane has gone up in price and I am not in a position to buy anything extra right now. Today I got my first unemployment check, the first in my life. It won't be enough to cover everything but we should be okay for about a month, after that I don't know what will happen. I am trying not to freak out, God has gotten us through an awful lot and I just have to believe He has a plan.

Kylie is doing better now, she is at a rough age. She had a costume to make which because of work and keeping everyone going I don't usually participate much when she is working on her character costumes but this time I helped because I had the time. She was very happy that we did things together. The past two years have been tough for her, she's had to go through some scary things and it's taken awhile for her to bounce back.

This week is supposed to be brutal temperature wise, I will hunker down and make sure everyone gets through it. It is a long ride out to the barn at night when the roads are bad, I have to just go a long slowly and carefully.

The ponies have it easier, they have hay all of the time and water and can get outside in the daytime. I hope someday to be able to put a fence up and a shed to bring the big guys home. That would be better and cheaper and so I pray God will help me find another good job and a way to take care of everyone.  

Hay is for horses

Just when all seems to be going smoothly, a bounce in the road. I picked up a round bale a week ago, Mr. R. sold his 1st cuttings and saved us 2nd cuttings, it's all orchard grass and it had been in the barn for awhile so I thought okay this will be okay.

First, I forgot that the hay was bulkier and weighted more and the bale would be wider. Sure enough, we let the bale sit in the truck a couple of days while the ponies polished off what was left of the previous bale and then we took the truck behind their little barn and went to push it off. I should have taken the tale gait off but didn't, not realizing the bale would get stuck. Of course we pushed the bale and it got wedged and it was lot heavier so good luck trying to tip it off. It got dark and I decided to just let it sit and start on it in the morning, I broke two wooden ax handles trying to use them for leverage.

Moving out here I don't know anyone to call for an extra couple of arms to help push which is all we needed. I didn't have my big tractor to pull heavy things either. So, I prayed that night and said it is up to you Lord to get that bale out. Next day Kylie and I went out and climbed in the back of the truck and pushed to try and tip the bale so it would roll out. A mighty push and we got it started and we kept going till it tipped and rolled out, I don't know why it wouldn't budge the night before. Of course I thanked God for the help.

I left the twine on the bale so that the Ponies couldn't gorge themselves on it, they had to pull the hay loose and it slowed them down. Saturday was ridiculously warm and by today it was freezing again. This morning I went out to let the Ponies out and our Shetland was not feeling well and refused to eat. I know very well what a sick horse looks like and symptoms of possible colic etc.

I walked him, gave him a mineral block, let him try to get at some grass under the snow but all though he showed interest he just didn't feel like eating. Like children if you let it go a horse will be sick and then be really sick by night time. I called the vet and had them come out. The first time I've had to call a vet in well about 16 years other than shots. Anyway, Pony had a temp but good gut sounds, had pooped and was drinking water.

The vet gave him a shot of antibiotics and some banamene  and within the hour he was eating again. It's funny because instead of the vet saying keep him in his stall she said let him out as usual and move around. I let him out and he went out and started eating some of the leftover hay from the previous bale and then started eating some of the new hay, I could see him from the window so I kept an eye on him.

I brought the ponies in at sundown and just checked them, I offered hay and pony ate but not a lot of poop in the stall. I will check him again late tonight and make sure he's okay. It sounds gross the poop thing but what goes in must come out or it can be big trouble since horses can't throw up when their stomach is off, next thing you know it's compaction.

I love the ponies so and you know the two of them are so close, I never thought about what would happen to one if something would happen to either of them. That would be true devastation since the other two horses are boarded right now. I pray for the day they can all be together again.  

Thankful and letting go of the past

It was tough getting into the Christmas spirit this year, a few things probably contributed to that, working full time, having a teenager instead of a little one around, the commercialism of the whole thing played a role and maybe even the weather.

Yesterday it seemed a little better with straightening up the house, I got off work early, and my brother was on his way down. The evening was really nice, Kylie and Uncle Gregg made cookies and she showed him what her friends got her for Christmas and they had a good visit. Uncle Gregg is very important to us, he's been with us through the good and bad, he's been so good to Kylie and is my best friend. I have to mention too that when he walks through the door the dogs all but tackle him, they love company but Uncle Gregg is special and they love him.

I didn't buy many gifts this year but what I did I wrapped last night and as is customary every Christmas the dogs watch me wrap their presents which amount to four stuffed toys with squeakers. Normally when I had a bag with a dog toy in it someone would snatch it out of my hand and dig the toy out but they know that when the wrapping paper comes out they have to wait.

I put a piece of wrapping paper around each toy and carried them out and put them under the tree, they watch me patiently but they don't touch the toys. I leave them under the tree all night and they will remain untouched. Only when Kylie reaches for her first present will the dogs go to the tree excited and wait till I say okay before they take one of the toys. True to form, Daniel within a couple of minutes will have at least three of the toys in his mouth. Daniel is a true retriever and the other dogs love the toys but they let him steal them for awhile and eventually Daniel will get tired and pick one and fall asleep with it.

Dusti old dog, is taking the winter pretty hard this year, I figure he's 13 now and he is pretty exhausted most of the time. I spend special time with him now, I make sure he is close to me at bedtime and keep his hips covered because I know they are stiff and the cold most likely makes it worse. I give him a good run down every night when he lets me. Of course I wonder if this will be the last Christmas with Dusti but you never know, I guess we'll take it one day at a time.

I had wood delivered this week and went and got a round bale for the little ones this week. The house stays warm without using the propane and the ponies are doing very well. Cody and Aubrey are doing fine.

I've had time to think about the past, I've heard things through the rumor mill and it always makes me think of the past. Now that we are clear of things and I've had time to do some grieving and thinking, I'm happier, it is good that somethings are in the past and it's better to look forward to the future. God has been awful good to us, when I hear things which I won't go into detail, I begin to realize that He has protected us from many things that at the time we didn't know.

I am feeling better about my life and I am ready to start thinking about taking better care of myself. I am not so good at taking care of myself, it's a mom thing and I didn't feel like I had much value for other reasons but I want to live and I want to be happy, it's time to start living my life like I care about myself some.

I need to start posting pictures again and do a better job blogging, hopefully come springtime there will be lots of things to blog about, there are always plenty of animal activities to take pictures of around here.   

Lokie, my parrot

Lokie is a Piounus, that is they type of parrot he is, they are very laid back and quiet unlike more active and big personality parrots. I found him about 4 years ago with a woman who bred different kinds of parrots but somehow inherited Lokie and didn't have a female to mate him with in order to make money. She was afraid of him and he hadn't been out of his cage in a couple of years. I walked in and looked at him then I asked if I could open the cage door, she said fine but looked terrified. Lokie didn't come out because he didn't know what to do really but he took a couple of steps in my direction, I praised him and he would do it again, we kind of connected on the spot.

I packed up Lokie's cage with him in it and put it in the back of my SUV and home we went. When we got him in the house I opened the cage door and sat there and watched him from the couch, he didn't come out which of course it was a new environment, he still responded to my voice though.

Several days passed before Lokie came out of his cage to investigate, he really stunk at climbing, he tripped  a lot because all he had to climb on in his cage was just a rope perch, nothing else to challenge him.

It turned out that after Lokie got to moving around we noticed that when displayed his wings that he had at some point had his wing broke, he can't fly more than a glide and he won't step up. If you even say the words he attacks you or anything he can very aggressively.

Fast forward, Lokie is a very good climber, he has things he can climb and get places if he wants. Lokie will not step up, he will allow you to cup your hands and pick him up sometimes but that is it, no matter what you do to reward him, nothing doing. I respect that because I know he has suffered cruelty and trauma, sometimes you can work through things like that and sometimes you can't. Lokie was forced that is the issue so I have always with few exceptions let him make a choice and respected it.

Lokie loves to be scratched and talked to and he will call to me with a whistle, he will take food from my hand and he has even tried new foods, his choices were very limited with food as well. He comes to his name and if I tap a perch he will immediately come down and sit there letting me pet him but that is it, no step ups no rides to the couch for snuggling, nada.

That was until last night, Nana my Cockatoo had a little night fright and randomly screamed and flapped her wings, this happens occasionally with parrots, I checked her she was okay, looked over at Lockie's cage he was okay, turned the light off and suddenly a flurry of wings and Lockie on the floor in front of me standing and waiting to be scooped up in my hands. I know this because usually he scurries back to his cage and climbs up it's legs and back to the top.

I picked him up, he did not attempt to go to my shoulder as he normally would when I pick him up, he stayed on my chest, weird I thought. I took him down to the couch with me, typically he would get on my shoulder or the back of the couch, he didn't, again not the usual. He wattled over my chest and stood right in front of my face with a very serious expression on his face, yes parrots have expressions you just need to know how to look for them, they are very subtle.

Lokie stayed put right in my face and enjoyed cuddling and scratching for a long time. Finally he started moving to the right side of my chest and started looking towards the direction to get back to his cage. It was a cue he was ready to go back, I went to stand up and he finally hopped up on the back of the couch, he perched there for awhile and then I got up and walked to the end of the couch, I knew he wanted to back but I wasn't going to just grab him and take him, I called him over and he wattled to me and stood there, I bent over him and put my arms in a circle around him, he of his own choosing grabbed my sweatshirt with his beak and climbed aboard. I put my hand over him very loosely and walked towards his cage. Lokie sat quietly attached to my sweatshirt for the ride.

When we got to his cage, I leaned over to the rope perch, he waited a moment and very casually latched onto it and that completed his trip back to his cage. In the past he would have tried flying to it when we got close and he would have been in a hurry. Lokie made a lot of choices last night, after several years and without me forcing, coercing or bribing.

This morning I did my usual thing, I give everyone a piece of avicake for breakfast. I gave Nana her cake and the bunnies get a little piece each and I broke off a piece to give to Lokie who was on top of his cage. I held it out and he walked over to my hand lowered his head and bumped my hand with the top of his head, a cue for me to pet him. Lokie loves food as all parrots do but he clearly wanted to be touched first. I was so surprised, and humbled. Lokie chose love, my love,

I pet Lokie and then I watched him scurry down to his dish and eat his piece of very highly prized food. It was a very special moment for me, I don't know why Lokie decided now was the time to up our relationship, he is cared for, pet fed and all but it seems he wanted a closer relationship. He made a choice which is so important, on many levels, trust, healing all of those things.    

Very low key day

I woke up with a pretty good headache and a few other aches too so I started out a little slow this morning. A little caffeine and some Ibuprofen and I started put together the dressing for dinner. My brother came down this morning and we finished the cooking and had a nice meal.

Nana did pretty well while the food was cooking, parrots aren't the most patient creatures and it has taken a long time for her to comprehend food prep time and cooking time and that she has to wait to eat people food when the people are actually eating. So, she ate her Thanksgiving dinner with the rest of us and was happy and quiet for awhile, she took a nap.

The dogs were very alert all day since they knew there was major cooking going on and eating. Of course they hoped for food in the kitchen to be dropped or unattended for counter surfing (mainly Micah). They got their Thanksgiving food too eventually.

Kylie and I went to see the horses late in the afternoon and they got a couple of apples, some exercise and a little hay before we left. The ponies of course ate their hay all day and so nothing new for them.

It was above all peaceful today, I like that most of all. I'm thankful for a warm fire, a comfortable home, some relaxation and a good dinner. No drama, here just peace and fur babies to love. A great improvement over some past holidays and some of my childhood. I'm very fortunate to have come this far and that God provided for us.