Being proud of a child

Kylie started her first job yesterday and I am very proud of her. I know that the first day of work is stressful and it changes things because it is a step in growing up. Kylie did very well and realized just how long eight hours can be but she kept busy and did a good job.

The idea of having a little money to buy things was inspiring to her, she'll be getting her drivers license soon too. My little girl is growing up fast.

Waiting is the hardest part

Still no job prospects and the financial noose is beginning to tighten. I had an appointment at the unemployment office and got some good information. I have perfected my resume and found a really good job search website for remote jobs.

I enrolled at Florida Tech to finish my Associates Degree in computer science, I am eligible for financial aid since I am unemployed. The mortgage business is dead and I decided to start working on a way to get into the IT job market, there are plenty of jobs out there. I don't want to be in a line of work anymore that is so unstable. I hope old dogs can be taught new tricks because I am jumping the career ship at a later stage in my life.

Kylie is starting her first job tomorrow, it is part-time and minimum wage but it will help her get money for her driver's license and things she will need for school next year. It's an easy job at a local little country store but it is perfect for a teenager.

Finally, warmer weather. It is easier to be hopeful when the sun comes out and things aren't so bleak looking outside.

I am trying not to go crazy with worry about what will happen and if I will be able to keep us going financially. I have to admit that I am growing tired of always struggling, this past  year was a decent year and I started feeling safe but here I am again, trying to survive without many resources at the moment.

I still miss Dusti, especially at bedtime, I miss holding him and waiting for him to come upstairs. While I am at home I try and spend some time during the day playing with the other dogs, you just never know how much time you have before something happens and I want to enjoy the time I have now because I won't have as much time when I find a job and going to school full-time.

All the horses are doing well, it was warm enough to take their blankets off. Their weight looks good and the ponies were running around in the warm sun today. Kylie rode Cody and Aubrey today, Cody is always ready, Aubrey needs work since she hasn't ridden him with it being so cold. I think Aubrey needs his teeth done, they have never been floated and his wolf teeth may have grown in which might cause discomfort with a bit in his mouth.

I am going to start letting Kylie practice driving with my little Toyota Corolla which is a five speed. She will need her license if she wants to go to the Career Center next year. I might have to commute and wouldn't be able to get her to school because the don't provide busing for the high school students.

Kylie is growing up, she's doing okay. I know I need to get a degree and get a good job for when her college years come I can help her. I am praying that God will open the doors and He will help me along this new journey. 

Sunshine in darkness

Yesterday, one of the nicest things happened, a friend read my blog and saw that Dusti had passed away and they called and came over and brought us dinner. My friend Cindy understood that it was like loosing a family member because she too had lost her beloved dog. Kindness, should never be taken for granted, someone cared how I felt and that was the true gift and a precious one.

I also had an old friend stop by, one I hadn't seen in years and he is doing well and is the person, sometimes silly but a good person and he made me laugh.

Still no job leads which worries me because I worry about keeping Cody and Aubrey at the boarding barn. We can get by on very little but I have to be able to pay the horse board.

Saturday, all three dogs got bathed, groomed and dried. They were all really happy to get cleaned up and I missed Dusti, he was the hardest to groom because he was so old and couldn't stand up for me to do him right, he'd have to sit down after awhile. Dusti loved to be brushed and he had a beautiful coat of light gold with long feathers on his legs. Dusti had a marvelous tail and I would trip it up and he was just beautiful.

Even vacuuming is hard because when I would vacuum Dusti would lay down somewhere and then have to move and I'd direct him to where he could lay down and not have to get up. Every night at bedtime the three dogs get up but there is not the fourth and I miss him. He always got up next to me because he hated thunderstorm, I know I will always think of him when it thunders. It's hard to see the snow too because he loved to roll in it. I see him when it snows in my heart just loving it.

We are almost out of wood and will have to buy some more because the cold is back and will be here for awhile longer. I don't have the truck now so the wood and hay will have to be delivered.

Cooper looks like he gained 20 pounds, he's a Sheltie wtih a beautiful full coat that I fluffed and used the dryer to blow the loose hair out and he is just a little puff ball. He's so proud of his clean fluffy coat, all the dogs have been strutting, I know they feel better and now there won't be so much loos dog hair in the house.

I have to clean the pony stall today which I hate, there is no drainage so it is always harder to clean. We put the coats back on the horses because the nights again will be in teens. I love all the animals so much, Nana had a great meal yesterday, she had a taste of everything we ate. I pray for us all to make it through this winter and I get a good job and that we will all be safe and together.

My beautiful old gentlemen is gone

February 10th I awoke to find that Dusti could no longer walk, he lost the use of his two hind legs. We tried to get him up but it was clear he couldn't move them at all. We found a large bump on his spine and of course the fear was that something was terribly wrong, the kind of wrong that cannot be fixed.

We carried Dusti from the bedroom to the family room and laid blankets out and a pillow so that we could take turns laying down with him and comforting him. I made the call to the vet and to a friend that owns a place where pets are cremated. The vet could come early but I asked them to come later in the afternoon so that we could hold him a little longer and say goodbye.

Dusti wasn't panicked about his situation, he was very tired but alert. He put his paw on Kylie's head when she lay with him, petting him. He still ask for pets, but I know he was feeling pain, probably from the tumor on his spine. The vet confirmed it was a tumor and probably cancer.

I held him till it was over, it was so hard letting go. I knew it was part of loving Dusti to do the right thing and to have it done at home where he felt safe and to stay with him till the end. It broke my hearth though, certainly I am overcome with sadness. 13 years is a long relationship, Dusti came to me when he was 4 months old. I still see him as a puppy.

Dusti was a very unique and special dog, he was quiet but he made a huge impact on our lives, all of our lives. Goodbye old friend and confidant, I will miss you for the rest of my life. Dusti loved the snow and he rolled in it every time he went out. The last puppy snow angel has been covered with new snow, every time it snows I will still see Dusti rolling in it like he was still a puppy, till the day I die.

Joe, who owns Paws Awhile and has the facilities to cremate pets came and got Dusti, he died at approximately 2:00 p.m. on the 10th. I picked up his ashes on Valentines Day and put them in a trunk I have with Courage's ashes and last toys and collar.

I started this post on the tenth but am finishing it today. I was too overcome with grief to finish writing, Daniel my other Golden misses Mr. Dusti, and Micah has stepped up and is now comforting and sleeping next to him.

The first night was horrible because Dusti always waited for me to tell him it was okay to go through a door or up and down stairs. Dusti never ran in front of me, I had trained him from a puppy to wait at the top of the steps so when Kylie who was only 4 when we got Dusti wouldn't get knocked down a flight of stairs in our old house. Dusti would wait to drink or eat until I said it was okay and even though he was slow at getting upstairs to the bedroom I'd call him and he would come and ask permission to get on the bed.

There isn't anymore waiting, how many times I have turned around to tell him go ahead boy, now many times I have went to bed without him in his spot of 13 years. That is the worst part, not death but going on living without the ones you love.

The rough start to 2014

January 1 was celebrated because all I could think of is winter passing by faster and daylight lasting longer. January 3 I was laid off. Of course it was like a terrible blow of absolute fear and terror after going through so much barely a year earlier with loosing the farm.

I've submitted resume's to many companies and no calls or interviews yet but I do have unemployment and a little savings and so we are still able to survive for a time.February started out with Kylie and I getting the flu, I got it really bad and had to break down and go to the doctor and almost thought I'd have to go to the hospital.

A couple of nights ago the brake peddle on the truck seemed low and then of course the brake warning light comes on. The breaks had gone completely out on the truck about 3 years ago scaring me half to death, I had the whole thing redone and thought that would be the last thing that would go on the truck.

January was a month of below zero temps, snow and ice. I religiously went to the barn late at night to make sure the horses had hay to keep them warm, I took care of the ponies and dealt with the outside weather.

I have debated why God would allow me to be laid off, I know that sometimes changes or loss happen to make way for bigger and better things. It has taken me weeks for my mind to settle, being really sick forced me to lay down and shut up and rest. Rest, after maybe the hardest 2 years I can remember and finally my thoughts are quiet and I feel better and healthier.

A very good friend who has a friend that has his own private little garage took the truck tonight to fix it. The cost will be a lot less than taking it to a local mechanic shop, it has to be fixed or no wood and no hay, plus the four wheel drive is good for late night trips to the barn.

I am not sure about the future, I know I'll get a job when the mortgage season picks up or I'll get another job in banking. Maybe I'll be charged up and ready for a new job, but one thing is for sure, God is all that I have that is for certain and I am going to hold Him to His promises and that is where my hope rests. 

Mighty cold out there

I go to the barn late at night on the nights that it is close to zero or below out. I give our horses water and extra feed and hay. The fluctuation in temperatures can increase the chance of colic so my horses get soaked beet pulp twice a day and I give them some at night when it's really cold like last night. I keep the soaked beet pulp in a heated bucket so it doesn't freeze and it stays warm for them. Cody and Aubrey got beet pulp with a little grain on top and two flakes of hay and some fresh water in there buckets.

I know the water will freeze fast but they get a chance to drink some and there is water in the soaked beet pulp to keep them hydrated. We usually take them out of there stalls to move them around so they can increase their body temperature but last night we didn't because it was so cold. They were out earlier in the day, one thing about boarded horses is they need to move around some even if it's cold to keep their guts moving. Today will make sure they get a little exercise. They have coats on which I didn't want to put on at all this year but seeing as how this is the coldest winter I can remember I think it was a good idea, even Pony and Bit have coats on now.

Of course, the two little horses here at home are in good shape. I got them a big round bale of second cutting orchard grass from Mr. R's farm which was great, his price is very reasonable compared to what others are charging around here. Kylie was gone for the weekend and I wasn't sure I could get the bale out of the back of the truck by myself, after all it is 700 to 1000lb. I took the tail gate off and I backed the truck up next to their building so that when they went out to eat they would have protection from the wind, then I climbed my 48 year old body up into the bed of the truck.  I tried pushing it out the bale by facing it with my two arms first and it didn't budge, then I turned around and put my posterior against it and gave a shove, it moved, I did the bump side to side and it moved to the end of the bed and then it flipped right out of the bed of the truck. Victory was mine.

The ponies have a mineral block to keep them drinking, lots of hay and a heated bucket. Their little building is not drafty either so other than than being challenged right now to strip their stall they are in good shape. Everything is frozen in their stall and it is hard to clean and dump manure right now so I've been moving stuff to the back of their stall but I will be stripping it soon. I have plenty of sawdust that I brought in on my truck earlier this month so I will get them sorted out soon.

The poor dogs have to go out and potty, the sillies insist on sniffing around before they actually go and by then they start to feel the cold on their feet. This morning they managed to all go potty but not before I had to go out and carry a couple of them in. They drop to the ground when their paws freeze, the goldens last longer but the two herding dogs just can't tolerate the frozen ground.

I put a heat lamp in the garage for Tiger Lilly the cat, she is snug in her bed now with the lamp pointed in her direction. The garage has heat but I have to keep it very low so the propane lasts, it is usually warm enough for her but last night was just too cold. She is really having a good sleep with the extra warmth coming from the heat lamp. I do my best to care for everyone, the fireplace insert does keep the house warm enough but I even keep a little heater on next to the birds cages to make sure they are always extra warm because they are tropical birds.

As for me, I layer up and have a hat, a head band and a ski mask on, decent boots and gloves and several layers of shirts on. I tolerate the cold rather well but poor Kylie can't tolerate it well at all. I suppose it's because I've had to take care of the horses all of these years and am used to being out in the cold. I guess a few layers of extra fat doesn't hurt either.

It has been a very bad winter, probably the worst I can remember. One thing is for sure, with these cold below freezing temps there will be fewer problems in the summer with bugs, it kills everything off like fleas etc. or at least the eggs. That is one and probably the only positive about these really cold temps.

Of course, the old folks suffer, the heat bills are insane, the animals suffer and it's just really bad in an already bad economy. I know I am blessed because I have an old but reliable truck which allows me to go and see our horses, go to the store, bring the hay and wood to the house etc. in any kind of weather. I am able to keep us warm at a reasonable cost because of the fireplace and I have a home now that is well insulated and I have the experience with the horses to at least make them more comfortable through all of this. I can also lift a pretty good size dog and carry it to the house if necessary!

I pray for better days for everyone, that the seniors will survive and that God will be with the ones who don't have family members to care for them. I pray for the animals that are victims in this cold weather that don't have someone to look after them that God will provide for them. I pray for a new job and for all the people struggling in out country today just to survive each day. There are many struggling, families and seniors. It's hard times for many. 

Survival

I haven't been in the mood the last couple of weeks to write anything. Besides battling the weather I was laid off the beginning of January. I have never been laid off and never had to collect unemployment until now. I had a sinus infection for a month and since my benefits run out at the end of January I got some medication and got my teeth filled.

Pony got sick the week before I was laid off, first time I had to call a vet in 16 years for any of the horses, he kind of got collicky with the weather snap, he's okay now.

The first week off I did sleep a lot, I was just tired, I hadn't had a break since before leaving the farm and I just let myself rest and take medicine and now I actually feel a lot better than I have in a long time.

I spend time submitting job applications, and the rest of the time is trying to take everything in this terrible weather. I have the little ponies here at home and the big ones at a boarding barn. When it is zero out I go to the barn late at night and give them extra hay and water. Most of the time at home is spent feeding the fire to keep the house warm.

The furnace seldom comes on because the fireplace insert keeps the house pretty warm, propane has gone up in price and I am not in a position to buy anything extra right now. Today I got my first unemployment check, the first in my life. It won't be enough to cover everything but we should be okay for about a month, after that I don't know what will happen. I am trying not to freak out, God has gotten us through an awful lot and I just have to believe He has a plan.

Kylie is doing better now, she is at a rough age. She had a costume to make which because of work and keeping everyone going I don't usually participate much when she is working on her character costumes but this time I helped because I had the time. She was very happy that we did things together. The past two years have been tough for her, she's had to go through some scary things and it's taken awhile for her to bounce back.

This week is supposed to be brutal temperature wise, I will hunker down and make sure everyone gets through it. It is a long ride out to the barn at night when the roads are bad, I have to just go a long slowly and carefully.

The ponies have it easier, they have hay all of the time and water and can get outside in the daytime. I hope someday to be able to put a fence up and a shed to bring the big guys home. That would be better and cheaper and so I pray God will help me find another good job and a way to take care of everyone.