Journaling

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Used to run a stable and live on a farm, now I am back into banking for awhile. Still have horses and love animals.  

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Cozy fire


Cold and damp, home is where the heart is

This weekend was all rain and today blistery and cold. Yesterday was fun day running around and just getting out of the house in general for me and Kylie. I took Kylie to the music store in town and we had her guitar checked out. Kylie is good with music so she is going to start guitar lessons.

Today was a lazy morning but we went to the barn to spend time with our horses and to start with some lessons with Kylie. It's was such a bad spring and summer that Kylie hasn't done much with Aubrey and has lost her confidence but now is the perfect opportunity to enjoy building the bond again with both of our horses.

We took them over to the arena and exercised them and turned them loose and they ran with their tales up and had a good roll in the dirt. At first because of the new environment they were a little skittish but with a chance to run off pent up energy they settled down. They both were brushed and spoiled a little.

Cody is 18 now but in really good shape, there is time for the two of us to have some fun together trail riding and recapturing some of the years we lost with working and being a single mom. He got a bite of my candy bar and enjoyed it, his reward for beings such a good and patient horse.

Finally, maybe a girl and horse, Kylie and Aubrey who will soon be trail riding too. We can now be the lovers of our own horses and enjoy the simplicity of the relationship.

After being out in the cold and the rain we came home to start a fire, to relax in a warm and secure home. It's been a long time since I felt safe and settled. The horses will be hayed tonight before bed because I know someone that loves animals as I do will see to it. I will drive early in the morning before most people are up to work to do what I must. My horses will be cared for and let out when it's best for them and be well cared for, when I return in the evening I can visit with them and so it goes until the weekend when there is more time.

I miss being outside all of the time and the farm but I am satisfied that I can work and earn the money to bring comfort to all that is in my care. Kylie, horses, dogs, and birds. Here there are no threats, no fear of being homeless, major things failing having to find a way to fix them.

The weeks fly by and it seems like a boring life right now compared to the last two years but it's nice to not have to live under such stress although I still feel it and it will take awhile to let go of it.

I do miss the land and the animals that I was blessed to care for and especially the ones that need a little helping hand. Not a day goes by that I don't still think of Mare Girl. When we went to Quarter Horse Congress I thought if she was still with us I would have brought her back something. I guess though I have enough little fur and feather lives to care for now, one person can only stretch so far. What memories I have though and the stories I can tell.

Now, some TV and a late supper, a warm fire and cuddly dogs. How blessed I am to be given so much. 

Sunday, October 21, 2012

no time

No time for blogging this week, I had a bad sinus infection to so I basically passed out at night so I could make it to work in the morning. I went to the doctor yesterday and got some super antibiotics and I'm feeling great today.

Rain, rain and more rain. Sunshine today though and I am making the most of it. Work is gong great but I am working 50 hours a week so there's not much time during the week days.

Sunday's are the day to enjoy the house and I am slowly coming around to liking it more. Our neighbors are really nice and so is everyone in the community so far. Kylie is liking the farm folks and she feels like she fits in better.

Bunnies cages got done today and stalls will be done also. The hay shortage really stinks, it is going to be a tough winter to find hay that doesn't cost a fortune.

I ran the dogs this morning because we have an electric in ground fence now and they won't go and play and run unless I go with them. They have a huge area to run but still aren't sure about it.

The little ponies are out on the grass and I am planning in the spring to fence in the rest of the land with permanent fence and a run in shed. It is better to plan to bring them home in case boarding becomes a problem. I don't want to move them all over the place and finding a barn where I know they will be turned out is hard to find. It is also more expensive to board them, there is so much grass here it just seems logical to eventually bring them home. They can be out all of the time through the nice weather months with a run in.

So, I will save the money I need to accomplish these things in the springtime. I am not looking forward to the winter and the short days. The summer was completely a blur with all the chaos of everything going on and so I will be glad to get through winter and start over again. 

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Kylie's happy

Thursday I had a really busy day at work and a lot of last minute files to do a final review on for closing. I started at 7 in the morning and finished after 6 at night. I got home and we had to go do stalls and some other things, Kylie had finished all of her school work for the week. All of this because Friday we were going to quarter horse congress, the first time taking Kylie myself to anything in years.

Kylie woke me up at 5 in the morning on Friday with breakfast in the microwave and a fresh cup of coffee. She hadn't slept all night because she was so excited. I didn't get up till 6 though I was just too tired. I got up and took my time as I didn't want the day to be rushed or regimented. We left closer to 8 and she just talked herself to death on the way there. Traffic was light, it was a straight drive and off 71 straight into the event, close parking and just small crowds for most of the morning.

Kylie practically skipped to the gate to get in! I handed her cash, money I haven't been able to giver her ever. She ran the barn at the other house for four straight weeks during the summer while I was in PA for training. She did a good job and everything was done right. I couldn't give her any money, barely could buy groceries and she hasn't had new clothes in a long time, Good Will was where she got her clothes which is okay but a teenager needs to have a little fun money you know.

Kylie walked around all of the vendors carefully, weighing all her options and being very frugal. She bought Bit a tiny little blanket for winter, had a name sign made for Aubrey's stall, and bought a new hat for herself for winter. She was so happy with the name plate for Aubrey, she looked at it all the way home.

I took her in to watch the reining and she wanted to see the cutting. We walked around that place for hours, we had fair food and walked again, I bought Cody a red turnout blanket, his first ever, and a new halter with soft sides so it wouldn't rub.

We walked till our legs were numb from our knees to our feet. Kylie was exhausted till she begged me to go home. Her head bobbed on the way home from trying to stay awake. When we got home, she thanked me thinking somehow something would happen and we wouldn't get to go. She was stunned at having the money to shop and realized that it was a whole lot of fun. Most of all, I got to take her, we did it together instead of her friends families taking her or her dad because I couldn't either because of lack of money or time.

I bought her dinner on the way home, we watched TV together when we got home for a little while and she looked at the things she got for her horses. She was happy in a way I haven't seen in a long time. All day she kept asking me if I was okay, and she said Mom, what would happen to me if something happened to you.

The big day is over but it was great, now onto working hard and paying bills. But, Kylie is happy at least for now (she is a teenager, it won't last long) :)

Monday, October 8, 2012

Golden Retriever Attacks, Maims, Wild Boy


Happiness



Cody and Aubrey at the new place


Feeling human again

I decided not to work this Saturday and stay home and get things organized. Since June things have been really crazy. The new job, losing the farm, four weeks in Philadelphia  the big move, test cases, and moving the horses twice.

It was nice this weekend to stay home, get some rest, and do home things. I still have to put my clothes away properly but I got things moved around and it's slowly coming together. I groomed Dusti today and am better able not to keep our animals cleaned up and happy.

Yesterday was beautiful but today was cold and miserable. We had a fire in the fireplace today and last night. The fireplace here has an insert and a blower so the heat is utilized very well.

Nana had a visitor and she has her own fan club now with the neighbors. They hear her carrying on in the sunroom and worry if she's okay but at the same time just enjoy her because they think she is funny. The neighbor brought his little granddaughter over to see Nana and pet the ponies. She was such a little girl she was afraid of Bit, he was wanting to meet her but she just didn't know what to think. Of course Nana did a dance for her and was pleased to have the attention.

Someone at the barn gave us a mini blanket that fits Pony, of course now Bit will have to have one. I am going to use Mare's old blanket on Cody this year as he is getting older. Aubrey is getting very tall and handsome. He has a Paso next to him named Sebastian and they like each other, Aubrey seems to like everyone though.

I am hoping that tomorrow the weather is nicer and the sun shines, I am not ready for the cold, I'm just not prepared for it to come this soon.




Saturday, October 6, 2012

Home today

I am home today instead of at work. We moved but we are not settled in as things are still packed. I am sitting here enjoying the new place and relaxing before starting on organizing stuff. Litchfield is such a nice place to live and the house is so inviting and bright.

It's been a long year with my life completely turned upside down and taking a different direction. Some stuff was really awful and some pretty good. I feel like God has really worked miracles and I still have a purpose to fulfill in my life.

I was driving home last night and I was thinking of somethings in my life to me that I have a hard time forgiving myself for and that it was so deep for me that that kind of forgiveness doesn't really exist in the human realm. It is an old issue of life and death and the choices I had to make a long time ago. Some circumstances were out of my control and because I am human I did the best I could.

My thoughts were that there are some things that are of such a personal nature that it matters not what the world thinks but my own conscience only and what I can accept as reasonable behavior and consequences. I realized too that to really know and have a relationship with Jesus on a higher level that it His forgiveness for things that are beyond the mundane sins and shortcomings, that only Him I could confess to and share the burden of conscience. The greatness of sin shared with greatness of forgiveness that really solidifies to the highest level His death for my sins, for my failure to overcome the affect of life or death, I as a human might be responsible for.

I am humbled by my shortcomings so that I might be a better person, so that I might need God not because I am a great human being but because I am not. I love God, He is loving, merciful, and powerful but those are not the deepest reasons, I love Him because He loves more than I can love, forgives more than I can forgive, because He is everything I wish to be but cannot be. He has made  a way for me and regardless I am His child, His masterpiece, He chooses to see me as I would never dare see myself because Jesus opened the doors of heaven for me in which I am not worthy to even look upon.

It is humbling to hope to serve such a God even with what small things I have to offer, to say I am a servant of the most high God, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the follower of Jesus. To be among His people, to be accepted.

It is safe to say that human limitations on the capacity to love, for compassion, to forgive is limited at best, perhaps that is why we hurt each other, why we cannot have a mind of God. We must rest in the knowledge that God is there and He is all those things gives hope to all living things, light, and peace so long as we are willing to receive what is so generously given to us. 

I think fear is such an enemy of God, some would be more compassionate, would do more to be the likeness of Jesus if only they weren't afraid. To step out and let go of what is known, comfortable, and complacent is terrifying. To cling to the material, the routine is so safe but it does not compare to the safety of God. You must first let go of what you perceive as yours to reach out and grasp something greater. Even scriptures which people are so fond of are only words unless you act upon them, God gave them as His word to use and put into use not to spill out on someone and walk away.

Really, our God is more demanding than we realize I think. Who are we to judge others? Is it to make sure we are right in the sight of God by comparison. We did not create the Words of God, we are messengers not interpreters of the Word. If the Word has Life then we must first and only live the Word, God will move in us. This is the only way God is revealed to others no matter how many scriptures you memorize.

Today is beautiful and even though things are still not as I wish them to be here I am so happy to see the day and the beauty around me. I have not know peace for many months but I am finding it and I'm glad with all the hard work and long hours that I can think about God, feel Him, talk to Him. I am closer to Him now than ever, in a sense it has all been worth it these past few months.