Never assume

Yesterday I had all 4 equines vaccinated, I did not have them vaccinated the past 3 years because it is my belief that vaccinating year after year can cause issues. Most people would not agree with me on this but I felt that it was best for me and my horses. 

The vet came out and we did the basic spring shots. I was very concerned with vaccinating Cody because last year he had his first colic, he is 26 and has really never had a problem that required more than a yearly check up. He got a life threatening infection from an injection on top of the colic and it was really scary. 

Naturally, I was the same thing might happen again so as a precautionary measure I clipped the place where he would get the vaccinations and the doctor swabbed the area with alcohol. The rest of the day I kept a close eye on him. I noticed that when I let him out in the evening he didn't want to stay out long, he came and stood at the outside door to his stall so I let him in. 

This morning he was not feeling well and slow to move but there was no swelling in the area he was vaccinated, he didn't carry on like he normal he did at breakfast time. Lil Bit my miniature horse was laying down and didn't want to get up, no rolling but he didn't have much of an appetite either. Aubrey and Hugh were acting normal so I went in and called the vet. Cody and Bit were having a reaction to the vaccines so I gave them both a dose of Banamine. This evening they are more like themselves. 

I did opt for a vaccination for botulism since the vet had treated and lost several horses recently in his practice area. I feed mainly round bales and there is a greater chance of contamination with round bales so I heeded the vets advise and let him vaccinate for botulism. 

Since the 2 horses were off, I decided to leave the horse in this evening. Eli is 60 plus year old Amish man that picks stalls for me three times a week. When Eli showed up I went out and told him to leave the horses in and explained to him why. 

Ely had an accident when he was young and he it somehow affected in a way that he is a little slow in speech and thinking. He cleans stalls to earn money for his family, he is always on time and does a very good job. 

While explaining about the horses we talked about how old Cody is, he is 26 now. I always feel kind of strange talking to Amish about how old Cody is because I assume they would think it crazy to spend money on an old horse. One should not assume things though, Levi explained to me that they had an old horse and that he couldn't ship him off but rather wishes to take care of him.

Eli said that the horse had worked hard and served him for may years and to him it didn't seem right not to take care of him till the end. I thanked Eli for sharing that with me, it is the way I feel about it and it made me feel like crying. So many people sell or try and give away or even ship old horses. People think they'll find a good home but I could never do that to an animal I have taken care of for so many years, an animal that trusts me. Eli is a very simple person, he is quiet and humble but to me he is a good and fine person, I feel so blessed to know him. 

Loneliness

Relationships have not been my strong suit in my lifetime. The older I get the more independent and set i my ways I get and I most often want to be alone. I have two dependents right now, my daughter and my step brother, they both need me to provide for them in different ways.

I care for numerous animals and the farm but both are almost always a pleasure to me. The difficulty with people is they are more complex and in ways more emotionally demanding. I don't have anyone to lean on, to be strong for me and in some cases share the burden of making decisions and fielding the problems and demands that my family sometimes needs help with.

When I am completely alone and the static noise of people is not present I am calm and I do not feel alone, it is when I am not alone that I feel my loneliest. It is hard to understand, part of it is I am driven to work, to do and to accomplish and I feel impeded and defeated with clutter and static in my environment. The other part of it is I never completely relax in the presence of others.

Probably a large part of the feelings I am experiencing is I think mostly of others comfort and needs. I will more than likely try to go above and beyond to meet the needs of my two human loved ones and then feel left out in a way. The feeling of being left out equates to I have not my own needs and desires in caring for myself or doing things I enjoy.

I do live to make the animals safe, healthy and happy, it maybe that I need to be cared for also. I know I can't look to or expect the people in my household right now to be strong and supportive to me because they need it more than I do.

Still, sometimes there is a feeling of hopelessness, of loneliness. It is a melancholy  that takes hold of me. I want to cry, I want to be held for a moment, I want encouragement and even surprises. It will pass as it always does, there will be a sunny warm day and I'll be free from working at my job and I'll be outside and enjoying everything around me. I'll feel free and alive and I won't desire anymore than just the simplicity of it all.   

Spring and all its glory

Spring is a magnificent catalyst, the beginning of vibrant colors, a surge of energy and creation.  I have enjoyed being close to nature in the past but living here in a more natural environment and with a pond that has a very healthy ecosystem I find myself even more deeply submerged in the natural world.

During the past two weeks I have witnessed a dormant landscape gradually awaken, with each day of sunlight the grass has greened and the trees have sprouted their buds. Insects, snakes, and bullfrogs all emerging into the warm of the sun.

Along with the emergence of hibernating creatures, birds have returned, skunks and groundhogs are seen and the deer run through the backwoods. There is a great deal of busyness going on as well, the dance of courtship, battles between males and the intense preparation for the new life that will come soon.

I have been given the privilege of sharing something that most deeply touches my heart, it fills me with wonderment and admiration, it is motherhood. I have witnessed the fierceness of mother cats protecting their young, I've watched the tender way they care for their kittens. I've seen the tiniest birds attack and chase birds of prey away from their nest, relentlessly diving and striking them until they flee.

Since I have a pond I have waterfowl, namely geese. I have domestic geese and now a pair of wild geese have decided to nest by the pond. There are two nests, one in the barn with Penny sitting on it and she will not leave it for more than a few minutes a day for about a month. Burt the gander who is normally gentle is now brave and vigilant.

The wild geese have a nest close to the pond where the orchard is just next to a log. The father is near and watches the entire pond and surrounding area, he chases anything he deems a threat. The mother is hunkered down on the nest, she raises her head only slightly when she hears anything near.

I wasn't sure if the wild geese would permit me to walk around the pond without chasing but they have not. The father will walk into the pond and swim a few feet a way but neither he or the mother seem overly concerned about my presence.

Soon the fish in the pond will spaun, they are already busy at work making their little places close to the water's edge where they will lay their eggs. As the weeks go by the fish will become very feisty and defend that little area in the sand and gravel that they have claimed for their own.

On a recent walk around the pond I strolled by where mother goose is on her nest, I felt her eyes boring into me and looked to see her indeed staring at me. Father goose swam closer to see what was going on. I snapped a couple of pictures, you can see mother goose's head just peering over the log at me.