Journaling

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Used to run a stable and live on a farm, now I am back into banking for awhile. Still have horses and love animals.  

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Day 11 first time in a year I've felt better

I woke up this morning feeling great. I didn't go to bed early and slept okay but I woke up sideways in the bed completely hemmed in by dogs. It was weird, I usually go to sleep and wake up in the same spot.

I read every manual and guideline I could today at work and studied to get the lending criteria back in my head. I am starting to understand the processes for this company, the system, and the expectations instead of just hearing information and trying to piece it together. It is hard to focus when you are being bombarded with so much information but now it is settling down in my mind.

Boarders are coordinated for their move out, I am going to boarding barns over the weekend to find a place that is right for Mare Girl. I'm listing things on Craigslist that we don't need and can use the cash for the move.

Our official see ya later date is the weekend of the 26th. and I will be gone for training part of it the time during the weeks to come.

I am sending out a request to everyone for the week of the 26th if you can help with moving it would be greatly appreciated.

I will have to find someone to move big red and the manure spreader but I think I know someone already.

Tomorrow is my birthday and the day we should get the keys. I also now officially have health insurance coverage, eye and dental as of tomorrow. It should be a pretty good day.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Day 10, a runaway train

Today I went to work which was great, they bring food in for us almost every day and I love the group of people I came in with, we have a good time. I have some more training to do this month and then I'll be given credit authority.

I worked on utilities and talked to Lloyd, the lease should be ready by tomorrow or Wednesday and keys Wednesday night. I also talked to someone who is a friend of a friend who is a super person. It may work out that Cody and Aubrey will stay with her and she is moving to the same township we are going to live in.

This weekend I will work on something good for Mare Girl. I really want a small barn situation for her, I will call the people who look in on her and ask them to start looking too. I need to take pictures too and send them to the rescue because she could end up being adopted.

Nana will have a beautiful sunroom to watch the world and nice windows with screens for her to enjoy the fresh air.

There is a pond next door with ducks, I am pretty sure that Micah will go crazy when he sees them.

I am so exhausted I can hardly keep my eyes open but I am not depressed or scared anymore, I am nervous about the move and just how I will swing everything. I have to have faith now though because it's all just happened and two weeks ago it was just hopeless. 

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Day 9, praise God

We now have a place to go to that is so nice it is beyond description. The only thing we will need is a run in shed until winter. I will be working on that next. God, in His grace and mercy has delivered us. We will sign papers by Wednesday, I am believing a wrench won't be thrown into it.

All of the animals will be safe and that is the biggest burden I have carried for so long. Kylie is very happy and is on board with the changes. She hates change but she sees it is for the better.

I am exhausted and numb, I can't believe it will finally be over soon. 

Saturday, July 28, 2012

The rest of my day

After looking at two huge piles of brick a nice couple needs them for a face to a retaining wall. They will be coming to get them for the next few days. Some funds to help move.

I have a pounding headache because there is so much to think about right now that is overwhelming me. Both good and bad things going through my head constantly.

I went to a boarding barn today and the owner was a lot like me, she too had some very interesting stories about boarders both good and bad. She lived on the premises too and we traded stories about how people don't realize that they are actually at your home, where you live. I think most people wouldn't appreciate people just coming to your home and acting like they owned it. Again, people don't think about a person's home.

The other thing is when you help people and their horses it is great but at the same time many things are taken for granted and not fully appreciated. I have had both good and bad experiences here.

I have some very important decisions to make tomorrow, I want to pray about it but I am feeling so numb right now. I hope I am feeling clearer tomorrow. 

Day 8 update

The first property wasn't something we would be interested in, the second was a dream home. Both are available right away and would work. The property we really liked doesn't have a barn for the two full size horses but plenty of boarding facilities within minutes.

It is staggering to think of having a beautiful home but no real chores. There's land but it is the kind that would be easy to maintain. Kylie and I are both just dizzy with what to do. Mare could go with us because I will find her a stall close by and keep an eye on her.

We have one more place to look at that has the whole set up but it's a driving distance and the house isn't as nice. I thank God for choices instead of closed doors. 

Day 8, early

Looking at two properties today, I have good leads on two more. The ones I found today have horse barns. They are further out but if one where to work out I would be able to take my horses as I couldn't afford a house and then board right now, plus, Mare would stay with me for the rest of her life.

It's a lot with working full time etc. few people would really understand how hard but my life is my daughter, these animals, and the land. I guess I could live in a box if I could make it right for them. 

Friday, July 27, 2012

Day 7 feeling down and then up

Settling into work and developing my ability to analyze documents again. It is slowly coming back and the loan system is excellent and easy to use. I started out the day by telling the investor I wasn't interested in his property. A couple of properties have potential and I will be going to see them tomorrow.

I wouldn't have a place for the horses right off but both these have land and it could be done eventually. I will also have to work on Mare's situation. I will take the three outside cats with me, I couldn't imagine life without Emmie, she is the barn manager.

I took Kylie out to eat and we stopped into the Salvation Army, it is cheap to look and pick up a couple of things. I found a toddler size motorcycle jacket (not real leather) for two bucks. Cooper and I are going to do a photo shoot. I will enjoy it, I am sure he will not.

Thank God for the rain, it will help if it continues. After three weeks of no growth I can mow the lawn this weekend. I haven't trimmed the weeds etc. Just don't have the heart to do it.

I am going to try and relax tonight and not think about this. I've been up late every night for weeks just looking for things to try. I want to feel at peace tonight and hope for the best tomorrow.


Thursday, July 26, 2012

Day 6 Holy Crap

I just came face to face with predatory lending practices that are under the wire of federal regulatory compliance and it was scary. I've been looking for a place to lease purchase again but this time I am not letting my optimism and heart guide my decisions, I've been talking to an investor and a nice property came up except he buys them at a low price, lease/options them at a much higher price than market value, takes your down payment, and your lease payment. At the end of such an arrangement  you would have zero equity built up and he would receive the full loan amount of the value of the property plus all of the lease payments and down payment. The idea is if you can't qualify for tradition financing you are at the mercy of these situations.

People who are victimized again by these situations will be put into houses and payments they can't afford in most cases all over again. As I said, it is under the wire of regulation.

With this place the price was high but I felt in the end it would be worth it, my optimism led me to believe I'd have other income as with dog kenneling and grooming. I looked for work and did some jobs but I really had to get back into a salary position. October is when things started to really turn bad and I interviewed and tried to find what I have now it just took too long.

I think the seller here is asking too much and not reasonable but it is still better than what I just described. People go to investors like this to save their families and they are in a hard spot and most likely have lost everything, a perfect target to really take advantage of.

Okay, no new place yet. I called for Mare Girl and one place is a boarding barn that won't come down on board and the owner of Mare can only afford so much as she is on a fixed income. I talked to a rescue and the most they can do is put her on a network that might find her a new private owner. I would have to screen the applicants. I'm okay with all of that even though I am over whelmed right now except there is no guarantee of time frame to get her a home.

I will work on it over the weekend and see what I can do for Mare but I must take time to get ready for a move and to find a place for us. It's exhausting trying to look for the right place and then try to negotiate. This is like being in a war or something that causes great trauma, it has been so since October.

I don't think some people realize just how devastating this is or that I'm in a severe crisis mentality. It's hard to maintain my emotions and think rationally sometimes. My job gives me some sense of normalcy but this situation is never not on my mind.


Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Nana

Nana may not be beautiful to anyone else to me but indeed I find her just beautiful and precious. I was checking out Petfinder for fun and searched birds. This face popped up and the minute I looked into her eyes I felt something.

I submitted an adoption application never thinking I would have a chance since I didn't have large parrot experience. We went through a house visit, reference checks, and required classes. Then Nana came to live with us. Here is her story.

A woman called the rescue and said she found a Cockatoo on her front porch so the rescuer caught Nana and fostered her, the rescue named her Bella. Nana had been abused and neglected as  you can see she plucked her feathers and she had some serious behavioral issues. When Nana would get upset in the beginning she would scream Aflac shut up and all kinds of Aflac negative things etc.

One day Kylie and I were sitting there and Nana was happy and she said Annabelle is a good bird, Annabelle is a pretty bird. Nana is about 40-50 years old, she doesn't have a breeders band so she might have been caught in the wild. Over time we gather the facts from her, she belonged to someone called momma, her original name was Annabelle and she was fed a variety of things due to her instant recognition of certain people foods. She was abused, scared, and angry at times.

Her vocabulary is vast and to let you know how smart she is, she will say come back (or scream it) when I walk to the barn, if I am eating something she wants she will tell me I want, I want. I could go on forever. She is very special and precious and a brat too.


Cooper-Do

I found Cooper at the shelter, I had always wanted a Sheltie and there he was waiting for me. The shelter had his previous owners number so I called her and this is what she told me.

Cooper was bought in Amish country by a family and they had kids and wanted to get rid of him so they gave him to this woman. The woman had several dogs and had to move so she had her boyfriend drive him to the shelter and leave him.

Cooper was 45lbs when we brought him home, his legs were bowed, his gums were swollen, he couldn't jump on a chair or run. I cleaned his teeth and put him on a diet. Cooper can jump very high now and out run any of the other dogs.

Cooper was painfully shy, he would follow me but wouldn't snuggle, he was grieving. Worst of all he was afraid of men taking him, he would hide from my brother the minute my brother walked towards the door.

Cooper would panic if he were put in a car and you would try and walk away. He was afraid he'd be dumped again.

I love Cooper dearly and through this hole thing it bothers me the most if I ever had to find him a home. We are very close, he sleeps with me and snuggles, and after two years he will lay on his back and fall asleep while I hold him in complete peace.

Like Daniel, Cooper hangs on my every footstep.

Day 5, I've made a decision

I don't love this place anymore because it has been nothing but grief for so long. I love the animals and the land but there isn't thing left to want here. The seller is just out of his mind thinking he is going to get enough money out of this place to bail himself out at the tune of $240k. If I could buy the place tomorrow I wouldn't even think about paying that much for it, not even close.

So, I am packing in earnest, Mare Girl has a couple of options, I may have a private home for her to go to or if it comes to a place to board I have to find some place that will except $285 a month which means she'll probably be a little further south than Medina.

My attorney will fight for anything he can to as far as time so that we have enough time to move. In the midst of this I have to travel again in August for 2 weeks. I will be needing a tremendous amount of man power for the move at some point here.

As of today I haven't landed a place to rent but friends are making every effort to find a place. I have been scouring the internet till late at night. I pray for the best but the best can't start until we walk out of this place and the ugliness it carries with it.

My job is what makes this all bearable, no more going hungry, no more selfish people. I can meet the needs of  my daughter and my animals (they may have to go somewhere temporarily) but where their is a will their is away.

I will also say that as I leave this place, I will leave behind the mistakes, the hardship, the negative experiences with people (I never have any with pets LOL). As the bible says let the dead bury the dead. 

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Okay, I just love this.

Maybe this isn't appropriate given the very bad situation we are in right now but..... it makes me feel better. 

Day 4, can there be any sense of normalcy

I couldn't wait to go to work today just to have a sense of normalcy and routine, I was assigned temporarily to audit files in which I have a great deal of experience. The auditing allows me to negotiate the system I will use to underwrite and get a feel for the files and decision process. I was in heaven just being productive and useful.

I received several phone calls today on the whole issue of this place and a lot of information is coming up that conflicts. It really is looking like the best thing that could happen is for us to get away from this place and start over. Again, the animals are my greatest concern. The sellers are planning on trying to sell this place for even more that they were two years ago which an appraisal would not support. Sadly, it will sit here for a long time.

This is a difficult time in more ways than just the fight itself, it's a very negative situation and filled with very good people who are very supportive and those who are very self centered. I am doing my best to shield myself from the negative people and experiences but I'm tired now and it's hard.

The dogs were very concerned last night as I moved my suitcase around and they thought I was leaving again. Such sad faces, I had to reassure them. They were happy to see me this evening and will be happy with me in a routine of coming and going.

Kylie is very tired today as yesterday took a lot out of us both. Some may wonder why I took her with me to court and I had a few reasons. Kylie is 15 now and I have told her everything because she needs to know about what is potentially going to happen. She would have sat at home crying and afraid the whole time I was gone and I felt it was better that she see and hear for herself instead of waiting and having me explain it all. Plus, the things we fear the most we are better off in the end facing. Learning to trust God in times like this isn't easy but necessary. Kylie came away with an education and an experience of seeing the reality of how the legal system works etc. I know Lloyd would not allow us to be totally defaced or attached in court and we had each other, I had no one else to stand with me as I know they wouldn't allow one of the dogs to come :)

Monday, July 23, 2012

Day 3 continued

Kylie and I went to the court and talked with Lloyd while we were waiting. Lloyd had not seen Kylie since she was about 6 or 7 years old, he was surprised and she and him did a little mental sparring. The  hearing started late and Lloyd as always was very factual to the point and composed. He had written a brief and filed a motion prior to the hearing. There were two technical points he brought to the magistrates attention and she felt in favor of them. She also pointed out that basically if this was a rental/eviction issue that $22,500 was not a simple deposit etc. So she felt the situation was pretty muddied.

We have a little more time because the other side has to produce some documents before any action moving us to the next level can be taken.

It is very clear that the sellers need to sell so that leaves me with trying to find a temporary investor or finding a place to move. Both of these things I am working on feverishly. I am exhausted, I didn't think I would be able to get through the hearing, my heart just felt like it was going to explode. The other attorney started making some ugly comments and got really mad but the magistrate didn't allow it. The animosity in the room was very heavy, again as if I was a dead beat.

I'm giving this one over to God as His victory because it could have easily gone the other way, we had very little to throw at them.

Please everyone keep praying and reaching out, this is far from over.


Day 3 court date

I learned today that we may have only 7 days to get out, also it will take up to 36 months for a lender to lend to me with an eviction on my record. The court date is later this afternoon, if it goes very wrong then we have less time than I thought, if it doesn't, well we may have a little longer.

People have been trying to help. Some people are making calls. Please pray to God that He will work in people's hearts, that somehow the situation will change and there will be mercy for us. 

Micah now

Dusti still taking care of Micah. 

Micah, Kylie's special puppy

 Micah was a rescue puppy who was the runt of the litter and survived Parvo. He was a challenge, he was sick, vicious, and had been taken from his mother way to young,

Micah put both Goldens on their backs, bit everyone and lets just say I've learned a lot from Micah.

Fast forward, Micah is Kylie's dog. He is the most intuitive of all the dogs, he loves Kylie so much and she loves him. They spend a great deal of time together. Since Micah was a puppy and didn't know how to snuggle I forced him to sleep with me in bed at night and he would let me hold him when he was too sleepy to put up a fight. Now he is the biggest pillow hog and he sleeps in the bend of my legs every night, the same place as when he was a puppy. Dusti raised him after Daniel, Dusti doesn't care much for puppies anymore he is been a puppy parent too many times. I think he'd pass out if he had to do it again.



Daniel

 Here is a picture of Daniel as a puppy and then as he is now. He was the last of his litter and he was very shy. Daniel was a very fearful puppy and would have had a huge problem except for we had Dusti. As soon as Daniel saw Dusti next to me he came to me and licked my face. Daniel never leaves my side, he will lay on the other side of any door if I am on the other side. I am his whole world and he is so dear to me. Many nights he has laid his head on my pillow and comforted me. I love him so.


Sunday, July 22, 2012

Day two of countdown

One barn cat caught one more to go, I got some interesting leads for Mare Girl and also some people interested in helping my situation. Some friends and some just some folks who know what we do here or just want to help. Nothing has come together yet but it is nice to know people care and tomorrow is my court date for the eviction. My attorney will be there and I have to admit I am sick to my stomach just going to the court but I must face it.

Thank you to all who read my posts and try to keep my spirits up. I feel so alone and helpless, it makes me feel better knowing there are people who are concerned.

I am struggling with trying to do all the things around here that must be done like packing, I suppose it's depression. I took a stab and having a somewhat normal evening and rented some movies for Kylie and I to watch, it was okay but still things just hang over our heads.

Kylie's dad came to see her yesterday and he took the truck out with her to drive. She was nervous but proud and of course she handles it real well.

The flies are bad in the barn, Josh who helps with the barn chores came out this afternoon and we cleaned up a bit and I hung a fly trap in Mare Girls stall. Senior horse feed always attracts lots of flies when it is hot. I hung a stall fan for her yesterday and she is more comfortable now. I have a hard time walking her in and out of the barn, I just feel so bad about things. Same with my own animals. They love me no matter what and that is hard to bare sometimes.

Tomorrow should be an interesting day. I am braced for the worst and I hope some of the inquiries I have made into properties and other things will bring some news. 

Thwarted again

My contact at the Journal has resigned and works elsewhere, he is a great guy and would have helped if he could. He gave me someone elses email there though and I have sent her the details of this nightmare.


kantoniotti@thebeaconjournal.com

Also, I have sent an email to the Gazette here is the email if anyone will write on our behalf:

 ghudnutt@medina-gazette.com

If you really want to help

I just sent an email to an editor I know for the Akron Beacon Journal, he is an animal lover. I explained the situation.

If folks out there want to help please send him an email letting him know all the good things we have done here for animals. Maybe he can help get the story out.

His email is:

jim@ohiomm.com

Just put Kindred Acres Farm in the subject line. 

Okay, crazy idea that's the mood I'm in

Someone today asked me if the divorce judge who is basically out to get me knows what we do here. As it turns out there are only two judges in Summit county divorce court and I know it is a man judge based on what the owner told me when he said the judge was out to scalp me.

No of course the judge doesn't know, he is tired of the two fighting in court and after six years just is through. Of course, he thinks I am a low life and has not a clue what we have done in the past two years. On the court website it said something about working with Catholic Charities which does a wonderful job. I guess he is an okay guy in a bad situation.

Here is my crazy idea, does he need to know what he is really doing? As long as I have lived here or would ever live here I'd help people and animals, also someday I want to help abused children with the help of animals.

If I could with help come up with some of the purchase price and ask for six months more and better yet if people would let the judge know this will hurt me, a 15 year old girl, and all of these animals do you think he'd try at least. I have a great job with a great salary. Financing is just a little bit away.

I found the judge information on the Summit county website and here it is:


DOMESTIC RELATIONS COURTSummit County, Ohio
Judge Carol J. Dezso - Judge John P. Quinn

Chief Magistrate Allen G. Carter, Sr.205 S. High St., Akron, Ohio 44308


The two fighting in court are Timothy and Victoria Frost. 

I would be tempted to call a news channel but with the way things are I know they wouldn't even think about helping, there are too many people in need. Would it be embarrassing for the world to know the whole story? 

I keep trying to think of ways to save us, I've called on properties and I am getting nowhere. All of these animals have to pay for my bad judgement and a situation that was created long before we moved here. Okay, I'll say it. It isn't fair. 




Saturday, July 21, 2012

Dusti as a puppy


Here is a picture of Dusti, our old dog shortly before we moved to the farm and he is bird sitting. Roxy and Juliet are perched on him. Doesn't Dusti look thrilled?

He's much older now and gets around okay but wouldn't be a candidate for a new home he's too old. He's sleeping now in his favorite over stuffed chair. He's the dog that keeps the other three balanced. Dusti is always calm and ready to show the other dogs how to behave when they are frightened of something.


Jacked up on Motrin

Okay, so I've been calm in the eye of the storm so far but it seems the trauma has manifested in another fashion. I am jacked up on Motrin because my back is going out and pressing on my nerve, I can barely put weight on my right leg. This only happens when I am completely stressed out (wonder why).

I have decided to blog the next few days about the memories here, the animals we've helped and repost some pictures. The one thing about a blog is it can take a snapshot of life to keep.


The count down

I notified my boarder they will have to be out in a couple of weeks. No news on another place to go for us. I have to find a place for Mare Girl to move. Court date is Monday and we will know how little or how much time we have to get out.

The two barn cats will have to be moved and someone will come and get them soon. We have two of our own I will try and take with us when and if we find a place.

and so it goes.....

Friday, July 20, 2012

Well meaning people

Today, I got the speech from a friend about just taking care of Kylie and me and the animals aren't important. I am sure I will hear many other words of wisdom in the coming days. I don't expect everyone to understand how I feel about these animals and that's okay. But, it is also okay for me to want to save them. 

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Getting ready to move

I got home from Philadelphia just in time to hear from my attorney. We have the funds to make the rent good here but the judge in the divorce court will not allow me to stay. The farm has to be sold immediately and I am thinking he is planning on ordering it to be auctioned soon.

The best my attorney can do is ask on behalf of the animals if we can have a little more time to either find a place for all of us to move or find placement for all of my animals.

When I came back Kylie was still sick with the flu. She still managed to keep the place going and care for all of the animals. My brother stayed with her at night but still it isn't mom.

So, I am looking for a place for us to move and I the best situation would be to again land contract/lease but it will be very difficult without a down payment. I am loosing mine here of $22,500. I hope that if we are blessed and find a place that my friends will help me move because it will be a difficult and fast move.

The sad part is if we could have made it till June I think the judge would have given us more time to get financing based on my job but we just couldn't do it loosing income without any real warning or time to replace it. It just started the ball rolling and basically soured the situation completely. Unfortunately, many animals including Mare Girl are in real danger of not having anywhere to go.

There is a part of me that wishes I wouldn't have helped others and tried to be so understanding, I shouldn't have allowed myself to be taken advantage of. In the beginning I had a really nice offer from someone who had 7 dressage horses and I turned her down because I gave my word. I shouldn't have allowed myself to be nickled and dimed to death over senior feed and things that cost more than what I was charging for board.

I could have turned away rescue dogs, people who were evicted and couldn't pay to keep there dogs but didn't want to loose them. I did all kinds of crazy jobs to make things work, Kylie and I have gone hungry many times, my animals have been hungry as well in order to make sure others animals didn't and in the end that wasn't good enough. It took me six months to find this job and it's a good one, I am very grateful for that but it seems it didn't happen fast enough.

I am loosing all the money I worked 20 years for and it wasn't at easy at times being a single mother, trying to keep things together.

Now is the time to see the power of the Almighty, I struggle with the thinking that I don't deserve something good will come of this, that comes from the years of abuse I endured as a child (people against abortion don't know that there are other ways that children are killed, not physically but emotionally). Still, I have to believe or am trying my hardest to that the Lord will make a way for us. I wish I didn't blog about such sad things as I have in recent weeks. I know it's a downer for people but it is real and it's hard. Hopefully, at some point the joy and humor will come back to this blog but not I think for a little while. 

Sunday, July 15, 2012

The farm chores, life reflections and all of the above

Getting home on Friday I got a call from our hay farmer. He had 135 bales ear marked for us and I had to pick it up this weekend. I of course was delighted to get the call but didn't have time to round up a crew to unload the hay and stack it. Saturday afternoon Kylie and I went and got the hay wagon and unloaded and stacked the hay. I groomed a dog Saturday and did some running around. Kylie and the dogs where sorely missing me so I spent most of my time this weekend staying close to them.

I realized why I was so anxious at the hotel at night when I did night chores Friday. I always know when I am home when I need to go out and feed, close the barn down, and do a horse check. My routine gives me peace and a good feeling before I go to bed. I realized how blessed I am and what a special life I have at home.

Traveling, a really nice hotel room, good food etc. is nice but the luxuries don't compare to my home no matter how bad it looks from the outside (pealing paint etc.) I observed many people coming and going at the hotel, the way they chose to spend their time (mostly drinking), their conversations, how they feel about the outside, the weather etc. I listened to people complaining about the wonderful accommodations at the hotel and the very nice rental cars they were driving. I felt on one hand it was kind of humorous and on the other I felt a sort of disbelief at the sense of entitlement and lack of appreciation about anything. Really, most of what I observed was about competition which in the material realm has basically become a sole purpose in life for many.

I guess growing up in a trailer park next to the Ohio river in poverty turned out to be a blessing. I am so happy and really don't give a rat's a-- about whether folks envy me or if I can out do them. I'm very grateful for the life I have been blessed to have lived. Everyone has regrets but for the most part it's been a wonderful adventure and I have been more fortunate than most people in the world, literally.

I have been praying about the farm and you know the most important thing is to keep Kylie, me and the animals together. I've given over everything to the Lord, I trust Him and I have to believe He'll take us where we need to be, I also as much as it will break my heart, have to accept His will if it conflicts with mine. I also know that the farm isn't just about us if we can keep it, if God sees fit to bless us with it I have to be a good steward and glorify Him with it. I don't want to forget that I have been in need, desperate at times and just go on living without taking the lessons and tests and doing something with them. Surely, I can do something to make others lives better, somehow to open up to the world and provide some peace, solace and acceptance to those in need of it.

God is merciful, so merciful, a good parent and I appreciate everything including the struggles, the disappointments, as well as the lovely things. All of it good and bad is part of me and I am my own mosaic that God the great creator, the master artist has designed. Should I be truly blessed to mirror Him even in just a shard of light, I have accomplished my purpose. 

Friday, July 13, 2012

Gloria Dei "Old Swede's Church"

We squeezed in a visit to my ancestors church which is the oldest church in PA and one of the oldest in the country. I could not find his marker because the markers pre mid 1700's were no longer legible. I left my information with the historian who will locate the location of his grave and let me know. I took the following pictures of the church and grounds, as a side note, Betsy Ross was married in that church.

The church has also translated original journals from the founding of the church from Swedish to English and published the information and he is referenced several times in the first three volumes. I will purchase them sometime to keep them for future generations!



















Pictures of the training facility in Philadelphia











Sunday, July 8, 2012

Up beat for a change

Molly went home with instructions,  I really feel with the right vet, food, and regular rinses Molly will soon be a very happy and well dog. I sent Uncle Greg and Kylie out for a birthday cake, my little girl is going to be 15. Hopefully, she will get some birthday money and if she saves it we'll get her a western saddle of her own so we can ride together.

Tomorrow is Monday and I am anxious of course, Lloyd should have more answers this week. I'm praying that it will work out for awhile till I am on the job long enough to get financing. It is almost unfathomable to think that we would be able to buy this place and not have to worry about leaving anymore. I think my joy would be overwhelming.

We have had a nice weekend with Kylie, Uncle Greg and me. Uncle Greg never saw the Duck Commander's show, he got a good laugh out of it. He is so good to Kylie, she'd be lost without him. He knows what to do and say to make her feel better.

The horses were glad to be out last night and this morning, the heat is not as bad for them. They hate being locked up all day but what can you do when it's almost 100 out.

It rained, that's good, we need lots of rain before fall if the hay is going to be decent for winter. Some farmers may not even do a second cutting and that's scary.

I was telling my brother that this place is just the right size with enough horses to keep me busy and out of trouble but not kill me with a full time off the farm job. I would be very bored otherwise, I would be a pain in the rear for everyone.

I am packing my suitcase for travel soon, the dogs are looking pretty forlorn. My brother says they don't have any idea but I know they do. It will be a sad few nights with me being gone and they will just be beside themselves. I wonder if I can sleep without dogs piled in my bed taking my blankets and pillows and having to sleep on the edge. I won't have a dog sleeping in the bend in my legs, on my feet and somewhere against my back or head. What I won't miss is Cooper waking me up in the morning with his thousand licks a minute wake up alarm on my face.


Saturday, July 7, 2012

Good morning farm

This morning chores were done early, we picked up a round bale in Litchfield and the stalls are done. Horses out till 11:00 and that's it. Humans hiding in the comfort of air conditioning and only coming out to check water and horses mid day.

I'll be there's going to be a mighty storm soon. I pray everyone will be okay and it brings us a cooling down.

Molly goes home today, she looks so much better. 

Friday, July 6, 2012

Did I mention it's hot...

Today was brutal but tomorrow is supposed to be 98 degrees, can't wait. Kylie is really sick and I got her a prescription today. She should feel better soon.

I went to the Salvation Army today and picked up a decent suit case for traveling, $3.99 perfect. Kylie's birthday is next week, she will be 15yrs old. I'm so proud of her.

Tomorrow I will be picking up hay early in the morning before the temperature sores.

Molly's eyes look normal now and no more swollen glands.  It's amazing to see the difference in her. She was pretty happy today even though it was hot. She's in an air conditioned room with lots of water.

Nana has been pretty quiet today, it must be the heat. It is unusual for Nana to be quiet all day, she usually is very vocal when I'm home.

The horses are fed and they will go out late this evening if it doesn't storm. Nap time for me I think.




Thursday, July 5, 2012

Molly

Molly goes home on Saturday, the swelling under her chin has gone down and her sores aren't as weepy and neither are her eyes. Her ears are still not so good but the vet will help with solving that issue. She loves her new food and is eating it, she is under weight so it will take awhile.

Tomorrow is supposed to be boiling hot. I am not looking forward to the fact it is going to be so hot. This morning we lost power in a temporary wind storm but it came back up shortly.

I called about Mare and didn't get an answer, all I can do is keep trying. She looks great and her eye is nice and clear.

We did stalls again today after sundown so we wouldn't get over heated. Tomorrow is another day, I will be happier when the temps drop back down to less than boiling. 

Lloyd, a good friend and awesome attorney

I called my attorney Lloyd today for an update. He has worked very hard, very fast to come up with a way to work the situation out. He is amazing not because he is a dedicated attorney who is very capable but because he is moral, caring, and works for justice. Lloyd is fair minded and honest, I know he will be honest with me about my chooses and the possible outcomes both good and bad. In short, I can trust him.

On a side note, my daughter had a very intense conversation with her dad that surprised even me. Her father has four children total and she is the baby. Things have not always been fair for her, she never asks him for anything much actually very little. She is going to be fifteen next week and she has been learning to drive with the truck, she feels the truck should be hers. I have to sell it to raise funds but she really doesn't want it to be sold. Her point is what will she drive while I am at work, also, we will have to buy another truck for her and the farm when we own this one free and clear. She asked her dad to buy the truck, of course he said no. 

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

A peaceful fourth, the dark side

Today is so hot and humid, the horses are out now because the day was just to hot to let them out in the sun. I stayed in the house and cleaned and organized. It is important to get things in order while I'm gone or if we have to move soon.

I actually for the first time in a long time enjoyed being in the house and just doing regular things even watching a couple of movies. I like this little house, it's cozy and easy to clean. I had to do fly patrol though because there are just so many like fly season. The dogs scattered and Nana was very invisible, the reason is a crazy woman was obsessed with pacing around the house with a rolled up newspaper eliminating flies. I greatly diminished the fly population today with my rampage.

The dark side, today God showed a truth to me. Most people believe in God but not in an enemy who wages war in the spiritual realm. A battle has been going on here since I moved in and although God has blessed me and protected me, sent wonderful people at the perfect times to help us, the enemy has used some people very effectively to put up blocks, obstacles, and systematically has all but destroyed any hope for surviving here.

Now, are these people aware of what they have done? I don't know but I do know God will search their hearts. I sense jealousy, spite, and resentment even for the very fact that God has blessed me but the great deceiver can certainly make things seem one way when they are actually another. If the things that have transpired where deliberate I will pray for the those who has been unjust, I feel I am still better off than someone who would hurt so deliberately regardless of what happens here at the farm. Again, I do know God will search hearts and reveal truth. 

I also pray that the Lord will deliver me from the enemy and the people he has used to cause such destruction. I am not saying I am blameless and haven't made mistakes, I ask the Lord for forgiveness and guidance for myself but I really believe he has shown me another perspective of the way things have been leading up to this point.

The rest of the week looks brutal as far as heat. I hope it ends soon and I pray for the people who don't have air conditioning especially seniors. I know nature is a cycle and regardless of advanced technology we as humans are still are at the mercy of weather and nature and the generations before us have gone through all of this at one point or another but it is still hard to endure. 

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Heat and storms

Thank you all for your prayers and inspiring comments. My attorney called me this morning and is working hard on a strategy to keep us here a little longer. I am selling my pick up truck and my sister is trying to put together some funds for either a way to move or resolve the back lease payments. Being such a small stable, I lost two months board income when a boarder decided to move out and couldn't move any horses in for two months to replace the income because they hadn't left yet (complicated story) I couldn't replace the income to make the lease payments and it just shot us down. If I would have not fallen into that position until June we would have made it. I couldn't find a job that really paid enough until now.

At this point, legally I have no way of stopping this from happening unless I can come up with funds or my attorney finds something to fight with. Some days I am resolved to hold onto hope and there are other days, knowing the situation, that I feel I must face the inevitable.

I trust God in this and I pray but it is a very traumatic thing to experience. It has taken it's tole on my emotions I can't lie. Anyway, keep praying and I will keep bouncing things off walls to find a way.

It's hot, I mean stinking humid. A tornado warning no less today for us. Kylie was a trooper and we stayed in touch while I was at work to make sure the horses where in and Kylie was prepared just in case.

The ground is rock hard, everything is like straw and the air is thick. It is not ideal weather by any stretch of the imagination.

Molly girl looks much better today and her open skin is starting to heal and calm down. I didn't spray her down tonight but will do so in the morning. She loves her new food.

I switched Mare's senior food and I am seeing really good results, to my surprise there is less manure in her stall, a lot less. I think she is digesting more, the urine is less also. She is on a senior feed that has no corn or molasses in it but a lot of other really good stuff and she likes it.

On the up note, the job is great. I am so happy to get back into underwriting and the company and atmosphere is awesome. The earning potential is through the roof (just too late). The car I have now is easy to fill up and a tank lasts a week. Saving lots, and lots of money with this car.

Everyone needs to pray for Mare girl by the way, the owner hasn't paid her board for this month, hasn't called and her caretakers that visit her have disappeared. If I have to leave I don't know what will happen to her, I can't find her a place to board if they have abandoned her and I am not even sure she could survive a move. I just don't know what to say or do right now about Mare.




Monday, July 2, 2012

Helping Molly

Things are just really bad, I have managed to stay composed most of the time but it's hard. Facing the fact that I may not have anywhere to live soon and may loose my animals is just too much for me at times and I have desperate thoughts, sometimes I just don't want to go on living, sometimes I could put myself out of this misery and I'm not joking.

In the meantime, I am boarding a very precious soul this week named Molly. Molly is a rescued dog and her owner's have done everything to help her but she has a chronic skin condition that is just severe. Molly's eyes are swollen and she has scabs on her lids, her ear flaps have holes in them, her feet are red and swollen, her glands are swollen under her chin and her skin is very hot. She is just in such misery. But, she is so meek and sweet and she has a wonderful spirit about her.

I have been cooling her down with an aloe and water mixture and then a cool water rinse. I wash her face and eyes and have cleaned her ears. She looks like she has infection in her eyes and ears. When Molly is done with her little shower she looks almost at peace for a little while. She shakes off the water and wags her tail. Molly comes to me and presses her head against my legs, looks up at me with such gratitude and relief in her eyes. God bless her.

Molly's owners are taking her to a new vet as soon as they get back to look for a better treatment, they agreed to put her on a fish based diet to build her immune system up. Hopefully, her skin and health will improve, she looks like a very old dog even though she isn't, it's the suffering.

I pray the good Lord will help me face what I must in the coming weeks with the courage Molly has, I know I can't face it without his help, I just can't.  

God's Grace

The situation with the property isn't even close to being solved but other things have in a uniquely God has got his finger on it sort of way.

The mower was having problems, it wouldn't turn over and of course Saturday a stranger came and fixed it in 5 minutes. A totally unrelated coincidence happen to bring him to the farm.

I am going to Philadelphia for training soon and it is company paid for except meals which would be reimbursed. I know I won't have the money for meals on the trip but I would eat dirt if I had to just to do what I have to do. Except... God had other plans, a person going to the training who I have befriended has made arrangements (all on his own) to pay for my meals and get reimbursed by the company.   

I haven't flown in many years, that too is all in place and I will be guided by the same friend through the process.

Now for the kicker, there is a church in Philadelphia called Gloria Dei Church, it is the old Swedes church founded in 1646 and my great, great, etc. grandfather helped to found it. He is buried there and I am going to go see this church and visit his grave. Matthias Claesson came to this country and help settle a colony before this was a country. It brings tears to my eyes to think of standing next to his grave, he came here for land and to farm and it means so much to me. I don't know how hard it will be to get there but I will find a way.