Journaling

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Used to run a stable and live on a farm, now I am back into banking for awhile. Still have horses and love animals.  

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Back to normal sort of

It's been quiet, that is good. I have had time to think about things and here my own thoughts. I need to take better care of myself and I am trying to focus on feeling better, losing weight and taking another stab at quitting smoking.

It's rained almost every day so my momentum on outside work has slowed down. Everything here is green and beautiful but grown up. It in a way is like starting all over again. Another place to cut back and clean up and bring to life. Things are disorganized and it will take time to get it all in order.

Many of the things I used to cherish are gone or still packed away. I haven't had the same heart about things in a long time. The past few years have just been so unsettled I just can't seem to feel very secure but it is getting better.

I have gotten a couple of calls this week on boarding horses, people still refer or someone finds information on the internet, always about boarding a senior horse. I think about how difficult it was and how time consuming it became and know that with working full time it would be to hard. Still, if I had a boarding barn that generated enough income I probably would do it again but I'd be more careful about boarders. You have to set boundaries and stick to them.

I felt more alive being outside and working in a barn and with animals then anything I have ever done but I will never put someone else's responsibility before my own family again. People don't care and they will take advantage if they can, not all but most. So, in doing the right thing and caring you have to be prepared for the treatment you will get and weight whether or not it's worth it.

I still have dreams but I am also cautious because as Scarlet O'Hara once said "As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again!". Nor will my animals or my daughter.

On a funny note, I have three dogs, one is a golden retriever named Daniel, next is Micah a Collie/Sheppard mix, and then there is Cooper a Sheltie. Cooper steals food, if the other dogs are eating their kibble he will eat as fast as he can and then try and snipe the other dogs food out of their bowls. I got tired of guarding and watching Cooper so I take his food to the bathroom and shut the door. The other dogs eat in peace and don't inhale their food when Cooper is in another room.

Once everyone is done and walked a way from their bowls I let Cooper out. Micah and Cooper are not super fond of each other, it isn't a complete dislike but they are both herding dogs and a little more high strung. I usually walk up to the bathroom door to let Cooper out but since the door isn't closed shut completely I will ask one of the other dogs to nudge it open sometimes. Daniel will do it immediately when asked and happily since I gave him a command and he loves to please. Micah, on the other hand looked at me the first time I asked him to do it and walked away. Now Micah knows what the command means, he's opened doors before but he chose to walk away instead.

The second time I asked Micah to open the door for Cooper he touched the door with his nose, looked up at me and then walked away again. He touched the door enough to move it ever so slightly but not enough to let Cooper out, Daniel ended up finishing the job. I had to laugh at Micah, it was all so deliberate. I wonder if Cooper would open the door for Micah? 

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