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Used to run a stable and live on a farm, now I am back into banking for awhile. Still have horses and love animals.  

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

My beautiful old gentlemen is gone

February 10th I awoke to find that Dusti could no longer walk, he lost the use of his two hind legs. We tried to get him up but it was clear he couldn't move them at all. We found a large bump on his spine and of course the fear was that something was terribly wrong, the kind of wrong that cannot be fixed.

We carried Dusti from the bedroom to the family room and laid blankets out and a pillow so that we could take turns laying down with him and comforting him. I made the call to the vet and to a friend that owns a place where pets are cremated. The vet could come early but I asked them to come later in the afternoon so that we could hold him a little longer and say goodbye.

Dusti wasn't panicked about his situation, he was very tired but alert. He put his paw on Kylie's head when she lay with him, petting him. He still ask for pets, but I know he was feeling pain, probably from the tumor on his spine. The vet confirmed it was a tumor and probably cancer.

I held him till it was over, it was so hard letting go. I knew it was part of loving Dusti to do the right thing and to have it done at home where he felt safe and to stay with him till the end. It broke my hearth though, certainly I am overcome with sadness. 13 years is a long relationship, Dusti came to me when he was 4 months old. I still see him as a puppy.

Dusti was a very unique and special dog, he was quiet but he made a huge impact on our lives, all of our lives. Goodbye old friend and confidant, I will miss you for the rest of my life. Dusti loved the snow and he rolled in it every time he went out. The last puppy snow angel has been covered with new snow, every time it snows I will still see Dusti rolling in it like he was still a puppy, till the day I die.

Joe, who owns Paws Awhile and has the facilities to cremate pets came and got Dusti, he died at approximately 2:00 p.m. on the 10th. I picked up his ashes on Valentines Day and put them in a trunk I have with Courage's ashes and last toys and collar.

I started this post on the tenth but am finishing it today. I was too overcome with grief to finish writing, Daniel my other Golden misses Mr. Dusti, and Micah has stepped up and is now comforting and sleeping next to him.

The first night was horrible because Dusti always waited for me to tell him it was okay to go through a door or up and down stairs. Dusti never ran in front of me, I had trained him from a puppy to wait at the top of the steps so when Kylie who was only 4 when we got Dusti wouldn't get knocked down a flight of stairs in our old house. Dusti would wait to drink or eat until I said it was okay and even though he was slow at getting upstairs to the bedroom I'd call him and he would come and ask permission to get on the bed.

There isn't anymore waiting, how many times I have turned around to tell him go ahead boy, now many times I have went to bed without him in his spot of 13 years. That is the worst part, not death but going on living without the ones you love.

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