Rebirth

Today was a memorable day for many reasons, since my last post I changed jobs. I found a job in May comparable to the job I had before I was laid off. After a year and a half of low paying jobs and unemployment I finally got a secure full time job with a salary and benefits. I can't even begin to describe how difficult the past few months have been and we were so close to loosing everything but we didn't.

Through the past few months my sister paid our rent and our bills and after many years of not really talking to my dad I invited him to Thanksgiving dinner. Dad came and then he asked me to go with some train shows with him and I did, he came at Christmas too. My sister after all these years told me everything about my dad and mom, their childhoods and how they were as parents before everything fell apart.

I grieved for both of my parents especially after finding out about their pain and suffering when they were children. Neither of my parents have been easy to love and really have done some pretty bad things to their own children, me included but I found comfort in understanding them better.

My dad has kidney cancer, it isn't moving very fast but over the past few months I have gotten much closer to him, I have went with him to the Cleveland Clinic and train shows. It makes me sad that we are now just bonding but as dad looks at his life he is trying to reach out to each of us. Dad also feels tremendously guilty for not helping me buy the farm which brings us to today.

My dad told me to find a property here at a certain price range with a horse barn, dad is frugal and I really didn't think I would find anything but after a couple of months I did, I hesitated to send him the listing but I did and he came up here to look at it. Dad actually loved the house which is small and the layout and the price. My dad put a bid on the house and it was accepted, he cashed in stocks and paid cash for it. Today the title transferred into his corporation's name. There is so much to say about this, none of my siblings ever thought dad would do something like this and I certainly didn't either.

For three long years I have grieved over the separation of my horses, the two little ones here and the big ones boarded out. Saturday that terrible grief ended, I moved them all into their own barn. It was obvious how much they had missed each other, they went out together and right now get very upset when they can't see each other. It will take time for them to feel secure but they are happy and although people don't think animals remember or have deep feelings of loss they do.

Soon I will be moving everyone over to the property which dad is going to lease to me and we once again will all be together and eventually I will recover financially. These last three years after loosing the farm has taken a heavy tole on me  and not having a decent income has been at times unbearable. I thought three months ago that finally it was over that it would all be lost and I had to give up.

Now comes the important part, I prayed and prayed for all these three years and the past few months. The last months I felt that God had turned away from me and the worst feeling is when you feel separated from God and that was the hardest to bare. Slowly I felt God move and you know when you think He is going to answer a prayer you don't really know how far He will go but honestly I think all of this falls under a true miracle. I have a hard time even putting into words what God has done for me.

We still have a long way to go to get financially caught up, the work here at this house outside to get it looking good and to get the other property cleaned up is just huge. The new property was owned by an elderly who let it all grow up but the barn is awesome and we have been working on it every day in order to get it ready for the horses. I can hardly imagine what moving will be like without a pickup truck or any hands to help but I have to just pray and take it day by day.

I am trying to be a help to my dad too and my sister who is dealing with many issues with the rest of my siblings and mother who all live in California. My brother in Phoenix is being treated for colon cancer and I am trying to reach out to him and be supportive.

My life once again has taken a sharp turn and soon the rebirth of Kindred Acres Farm will be a reality. I know that once again my life has been saved because without a farm, without all of us together I just felt my life slipping away. God even provided a little stream through the property, something I have wanted since I wanted a farm. I just still am in awe of it all.