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Used to run a stable and live on a farm, now I am back into banking for awhile. Still have horses and love animals.  

Monday, April 25, 2016

Family Scapegoats

I didn't know there was such a thing until my dad passed away and I found myself in the middle of 7 siblings and an estate. Turns out that it is a common occurrence in families especially after a parent passes and their is money involved.

I have been insulted, bullied, and harassed because I wanted to my portion of inheritance in stocks instead of liquidating dad's entire stock portfolio into cash. We have a great estate attorney and he to is in disbelief that the entire portfolio will be liquidated.

It seems that money is more important than common sense, relationships and fairness. Again, this is very common. The scapegoat position however is the most difficult, you are alone and the target of other family members. My difficulty with this is that I really bonded with my dad the past year, I knew him and became closer to him than any of my siblings.

I really miss my dad, I haven't been able to grieve for him until I decided a few days ago to cut ties with the rest of the family for awhile and maybe even permanently. They have worked hard to repeat things about my dad that should have never been said or passed around the family. The biggest thing is they don't get that I loved dad very much and I am truly hurting.

It is sad to say that two of my siblings really give the impression that they have waited a very long time for dad to die and to get their inheritance. It may not be true but in conversations and actions it certainly leaves me with that impression.

I was very blessed, I did get an inheritance that no one else did, I got a dad finally. After years of a very strained relationship with lots of hurt and disappointment he turned it around and I was open to it. My siblings even think he had ulterior motives thinking he would need someone to take care of him. Dad didn't want to be taken care of, he knew the day may come but he truly had a bucket list and he wanted to know me.

My dad did really know me in the end, he made the effort and was sincere. I saw inside of him, someone that had a lot of hurt too and we bonded. My dad and I laughed together, debated and he allowed me to help him with things he really needed.

I really believe God brought it about, I would never believed 5 years ago that I would have bonded with my dad so closely. In orchestrating the healing of the relationship God gave me the opportunity for healing some very deep wounds and he gave dad a chance to do somethings that made him feel good. We were both so very blessed. I am so sad that it couldn't have lasted a little longer, I would have given all of dad's money to have just a little more time.

I guess I am not upset about cutting ties with my siblings right now, I am relieved. Since the day dad died it has been nothing except about money, I decided that before everything was turned negatively and to let the hurt continue I just have walked away. I can now grieve and at the same time treasure my times with dad.

I literally got physically ill with every phone call, it isn't worth it to me. I stepped back into my little farm life, I am there for Kylie. I walk outside and enjoy the beauty of the morning, the contentment of the horses in the pasture, the peace at night when the dogs are sleeping and I thank God for it all. All I have to offer my siblings now is prayers, silent prayers to a merciful God who I love and is with me always.


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