There are many days that I still miss the farm we had, I miss the old oak trees, the barns and Big Red. I bought a giant tractor at an auction for the farm, I never owned a tractor and I got spoiled because it could do jobs that were difficult or impossible to do by hand. I am not materialistic but I did love that tractor. I have been searching for a tractor for a couple of months, a smaller one with four wheel drive and bucket. I found one in Wooster, I paid a lot more for it than my Big Red because I didn't buy it at an auction but I did okay on the price.
With the help of Dusty and his horse trailer we got it home last weekend. It is a small Massey Ferguson, diesel, four wheel drive with front end loader and ag tires like Big Red. It is older but in excellent condition and is enough to move round bales of hay around and gravel. I hope to get an old manure spreader soon which will really be helpful.
The tractor sat in the barn for a couple of days, I eyed suspiciously as I did chores and finally when the neighbors weren't out and I felt confident I started it up and drove it. I had been really nervous about driving Big Red since I'd never had a tractor before and that tractor was bigger than my pickup truck but after being forced to drive it I was over being scared real quick. Same with this tractor, it took about 10 minutes of fooling around on it and I felt right at home.
Driving it made me feel better, somehow just being able to do things with it like I did on the farm seemed to have a healing affect. I hope when I move to the new farm that I will also feel healing, I've been homesick for the farm since I had to leave it but I didn't realize it until the past few months. Things happen and you accept them and keep going but it doesn't mean it doesn't break your heart. It isn't about things, for me it was a dream and knowing that the land and being close to it is in every fiber of my being.
I did not lose the animals though and that is what I am grateful for everyday. I managed to keep them and keep a roof over Kylie's head, it took a lot out of me, it was hard and I felt broken for awhile. If it were not for God I am not sure I would have made it mentally or emotionally intact, honestly.
So, new beginnings and a new life maybe. I not only have a grown daughter but now a son and his wife and children, Dusty has shared his family with me and we all love the land, they've helped me and worked along side of me, the children will grow up with their horses and mine and a donkey and a tractor and soon a big pond. The new place has a spring fed pond, woods, and a small arena.
My brother loves to fish, I know he'll enjoy the pond when he retires. I pray that there will be no more hard times for awhile, no more loss and sadness for awhile. I want to believe that there will be happy times, precious memories to make, peace and love and sanctuary.
I still work many hours at my job and every moment that I don't is precious to me, I try and enjoy every living thing here and the land when I am able. I still thank God that I can walk to the barn at night and feed the horses and brush and pet them, they are home and God willing they will be for as long as they live. I also thank God that I am able to work from home, I work regular hours and many hours over but I am always near what I love.
The new tractor is not a Big Red but it is red and it is sassy.
With the help of Dusty and his horse trailer we got it home last weekend. It is a small Massey Ferguson, diesel, four wheel drive with front end loader and ag tires like Big Red. It is older but in excellent condition and is enough to move round bales of hay around and gravel. I hope to get an old manure spreader soon which will really be helpful.
The tractor sat in the barn for a couple of days, I eyed suspiciously as I did chores and finally when the neighbors weren't out and I felt confident I started it up and drove it. I had been really nervous about driving Big Red since I'd never had a tractor before and that tractor was bigger than my pickup truck but after being forced to drive it I was over being scared real quick. Same with this tractor, it took about 10 minutes of fooling around on it and I felt right at home.
Driving it made me feel better, somehow just being able to do things with it like I did on the farm seemed to have a healing affect. I hope when I move to the new farm that I will also feel healing, I've been homesick for the farm since I had to leave it but I didn't realize it until the past few months. Things happen and you accept them and keep going but it doesn't mean it doesn't break your heart. It isn't about things, for me it was a dream and knowing that the land and being close to it is in every fiber of my being.
I did not lose the animals though and that is what I am grateful for everyday. I managed to keep them and keep a roof over Kylie's head, it took a lot out of me, it was hard and I felt broken for awhile. If it were not for God I am not sure I would have made it mentally or emotionally intact, honestly.
So, new beginnings and a new life maybe. I not only have a grown daughter but now a son and his wife and children, Dusty has shared his family with me and we all love the land, they've helped me and worked along side of me, the children will grow up with their horses and mine and a donkey and a tractor and soon a big pond. The new place has a spring fed pond, woods, and a small arena.
My brother loves to fish, I know he'll enjoy the pond when he retires. I pray that there will be no more hard times for awhile, no more loss and sadness for awhile. I want to believe that there will be happy times, precious memories to make, peace and love and sanctuary.
I still work many hours at my job and every moment that I don't is precious to me, I try and enjoy every living thing here and the land when I am able. I still thank God that I can walk to the barn at night and feed the horses and brush and pet them, they are home and God willing they will be for as long as they live. I also thank God that I am able to work from home, I work regular hours and many hours over but I am always near what I love.
The new tractor is not a Big Red but it is red and it is sassy.
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