Root Canals

Today was  my first root canal, besides the numbing and the length of time it took it wasn't as bad as I've heard it to be. It didn't help that I had an infection but it's over now and that's a relief. The rest of the day hasn't been great, maybe because its Monday?

When the chickens come home to roost

Two of my old neighbors called this weekend, they filled me in on the farm we used to live at, I can't help but wonder sometimes, I hate to see the barn go to nothing. What they told me is that it was getting to look worse than it did before we took it over.

I could have gotten it financed by now but I'm not looking back. God has provided and there are things in the present and in the future for us. I will leave the dust behind me and keep moving forward.

Back to living a horsey life

Today we went out to see our boys at the barn and spent almost the whole day with them. We let them out in the arena to sniff around and Cody just took a walk around till he founds some tiny pieces of hay and Aubrey checked everything out with curiosity.

The were settled in enough to take them and give them both baths. The dirt that came off of them was unbelievable. It was gritty dirt and both had stall stains on them. They both pranced a little with the water but seemed to really enjoy it after the fact. We let them go again in the arena know full well they would roll but the arena was clean and we let them roll and walk around picking at small pieces of hay while they dried.

We brushed them out really well and their tails and mane were already much nicer. Their poor legs had long term dirt ground in below the knees, we washed their legs good. Tomorrow we will wash them again and scrub them and we will then condition their tails and manes. Cody has a rub spot on the bridge of nose from his halter and I am going to put a little dab of bacon grease on it till his hair grows back. It's an old trick that I have heard works really well.

We fed them before we left and they were calm. When I first came in the barn Cody was actually taking a nap, he probably hadn't done that in a long time. The space, the clean bedding, and the quiet is what he needed, he will be feeling more energetic I am sure.

We went home dirty, smelly and wet but we had a great time. I am tired, the good type of tired. I am going to give the little ones here at home a good bath and scrubbing and then go to the barn and we will let the horses out on some grass for a little while and lunge them too. It's all good!

Fear, it doesn't come from God

I am very happy right now, things look like they all worked out. The world is a tough place though, I've been through a lot, I hate to say it but I've been conditioned to expect things to be hard, maybe painful and this morning I was happy but afraid to be, cautious thinking something is bound to happen.

These thoughts are an insult to God but it may be the lack of trust I have in my own judgement. Either way, it wasn't in God's plan, trust not in your own understanding the Bible says, if you ask God and He answers and then doubt, it exposes our frailty as humans and our vulnerability. Faith is not only important when we petition God, it is also important when God moves, to accept His blessings, and most importantly to not look at the world, to keep focused on a kind and loving God, that even though the world is hard, and unmerciful, flawed, He is greater than all that.

I wrote this to remind me that although I have experienced hurt and cruel things in life, I need to believe that I am worthy of more, that there is no reason I should accept less because of who I am. I don't mean that as entitlement, but to say that why shouldn't things be right, good and happy for me the same as anyone. God sees us as deserving because of Jesus, we also must accept this and receive it. Although not intentional, I am not keeping my end of the bargain when I embrace fear and doubt instead of God's promises and I am cheating myself out of joy.

Green pastures, still waters

Our horses moved this evening to their new barn. It is the first time since we left our farm that I felt real peace. They loaded easy, Aubrey had a little trouble backing out of the trailer but was fine after that.

They walked in and the first thing Cody did was roll in his new stall in the clean sawdust, he felt secure right away.

I sat down in the chair outside of the barn and watched the sunset before we headed home, I felt like it was home, just something about the place I can't describe. God has answered my prayers, not only for the safety of the horses but the restlessness in my heart. 

Very frustrated this week

The week has been kind of off because Tuesday was Monday with the holiday. Work is very busy for me right now, lots of audits and lots of findings with some not easily fixed or impossible to fix. I am glad I am doing the audits instead of the one who has to go back and try and fix the issues.

The weather is really nice, just right and we got some much needed rain. The horses are starting to shed already and the dogs seem to be okay on the shedding for now. When the dogs blow out their coat it is really a lot to keep up with.

The barn where we have been boarding is small and family run, the folks there are almost never home now and when they are they don't have time to run the barn, so other people are doing the chores and handling the horses and unfortunately the people that are doing this do a lot of things that aren't safe.

This happens in barns a lot when people can't make the commitment it takes to run a barn or won't pay someone qualified to run it. Aubrey is fairing okay, he's young but Cody is getting older and slower and requires more time and consideration. He can't be turned out with a large herd and especially when there are aggressive horses. We had enough space to have two herds and also to let everyone out equally one way or another, that isn't the case here.

So... I went to several barns in the area and with a long list of what must be right and safe especially for a senior horse. I found a barn and it is very nice with a paid barn manager. The best part is many grassy turnouts so everyone can go out and be safe.

The horses are never left out unless supervised, and a bunch of people aren't running in and out handling the horses or doing the chores randomly.

A schedule in a barn is important, we were a small barn and there were days when letting the horses out or cleaning stalls happened at different times of the day, we rarely skipped a day letting them out, once and awhile we missed a day on cleaning stalls. The feeding however, especially with having to feed four times a day with the seniors had to be kept pretty timely.

Our boarders were able to bring horses in and out but they were known and were focused on safety. Anyone who has boarded a horse know there are some folks that really don't have a clue and so it seems I am dealing with some now.

I also went to great pains to make sure that I found a place that seemed secure enough not to have to move them again. I hope to put a fence on the three acres here next year so at least I can have them here during the warm months if need be. I might just have a run in and a fence but I will be the one to take care of them and I know it will be safe. If this place is as nice as it seems though I hope to have them long term, still you never know and I need a real back up plan.

I'm frustrated and I feel that the situation right now is an accident waiting to happen, I have the ground work laid to move them by mid month, if things get worse it may have to be sooner. I did the right thing and gave a decent notice as I believe that is fair, I am praying that it all goes smoothly now that I have given notice but you really never know.

I will not sleep well until things are resolved. A board broke in Cody's stall this evening and so Cody and Aubrey will be in the arena all night tonight, they said they might not be able to fix it till Saturday. I had to stress that I'd fix it tomorrow myself if I had to, they said they'd take care of it tomorrow themselves. So... will I sleep well the next few days? Probably not, and especially tonight. I will be driving down at lunch time and after work too and check on them. I will also make sure they are in their stalls tomorrow night and the board ( a five minute fix) is done.

I hate to say it but we went beyond what we were paid to do so many times and it was taken for granted. We did it for the horses sake and sometimes we did things that the horse owners never asked for or even realized we did just for their horses. When I think about it now (not considering that I did it for the love of horses) I feel like such a sucker. I let people take advantage and then make me feel bad and that we weren't doing a good job. Truth is we did more than most barn owners would have done and we did things that really the horse owner's responsibility not ours.

I was brought up to do the right thing, to think of principles and if the other person didn't do the right thing it didn't matter I was bound to a code so to speak. I am glad I was brought up this way but it is a hard and merciless road to travel sometimes, never expect fairness or think that others will have high ideals, they won't... they'll walk all over  you, destroy your dream and blame you for it.

I have to say I can blame myself in the sense that I should have drawn the line at some point, even though it seemed nobler to go the extra mile. Being noble has cost something greater perhaps then I was willing to pay, the security of having my own barn for my own horses. A place for Cody to spend his senior years and a place for him to have a final resting place. I let people rob us and act like they were doing us a favor, my horses are now paying the price, Mare Girl paid the price.

With all that said, I am comforted by the memories of the horses we loved that were not ours and the comfort we were able to give senior horses that were very special. I pray, that someday I can do the same for my own horse again. God is merciful, kind and fair, He can do all things, and He excels at taking what was meant to harm us and turning it into beauty. Things seem difficult at the moment but the beauty will come because the bible says God hears his servants voice and He hears my pleas I know.

Having a long weekend, living with a teenager and other madness

It was nice to have 3 days off, I made sure and get a few things done before it got here so the time could be spent with the horses and other things.

Kylie and I went to Hobby Lobby to look around and it turns out that Kylie is old enough to work there, 16. Monday she went in and filled out an application, she was scared to death. She asked for the manager and handed it to them personally, after she came back to the car I thought she would pass out.

Saturday we went out to let our horses out for a couple of hours, we fly sprayed them really well because the flies as big as dinosaurs were still biting pretty bad. They were comfortable and it was a pleasure to see them outside in pasture.

Sunday we looked at barns closer to home and Medina because if Kylie does work it would be better to be going that direction instead of the opposite. I also want to be able to visit the horses on my lunch hour. I have learned a lot about different board situations, the tough part is we had our own place and we took the care more seriously than some places I've looked at and also the place we are at not.

I hate the idea of moving my horses again but until I can bring them home or buy another farm, I need them as close as possible and they need a place where they can be outside where an older horse like Cody will be safe. I know only too well what older horses need.

It's such a shame with the job that I have now and the income that we don't have a nice boarding place to run, the old place as far as the house, needed a lot of work, that would have not been a problem and I probably could have financed it by now, the only issue of course would have been the asking price. It was too high and I doubt if an appraisal would have come very close to that price. I am not going to look back with regret though, we are in God's hands and I have to trust it all was for the best. I just hate not having Cody safe at home, Aubrey is young and boarding him is easy but an older horse it isn't so simple. Again, I just have to believe God will take care of it.

My phone completely died, not fixable just dead. I ended up having to sign another contract with my carrier to get another phone, I was thinking of going to NET10 but it just going to work because my phone completely died. It cost us pennies to upgrade both our phones, my daughter's was ancient and I will probably buy a wifi booster for better coverage at home and keep a minimum data plan. I will most likely drop the cable tv because I am determined to save up money for the future. The future that includes my horses!

Kylie is really struggling with issues that teenagers and especially teenage girls can encounter. She is going to a Christian class that includes discussions about marriage, love, self esteem, relationships etc. they made the mistake of saying she would have to submit to her husband and basically would have no say. Kylie was just completely taken aback, she just thinks it's terrible. I kind of think it humorous watching her get really up in arms about such things. It will be interesting to see how she feels in a few years if she does meet someone.