Journaling

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Used to run a stable and live on a farm, now I am back into banking for awhile. Still have horses and love animals.  

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Fear, it doesn't come from God

I am very happy right now, things look like they all worked out. The world is a tough place though, I've been through a lot, I hate to say it but I've been conditioned to expect things to be hard, maybe painful and this morning I was happy but afraid to be, cautious thinking something is bound to happen.

These thoughts are an insult to God but it may be the lack of trust I have in my own judgement. Either way, it wasn't in God's plan, trust not in your own understanding the Bible says, if you ask God and He answers and then doubt, it exposes our frailty as humans and our vulnerability. Faith is not only important when we petition God, it is also important when God moves, to accept His blessings, and most importantly to not look at the world, to keep focused on a kind and loving God, that even though the world is hard, and unmerciful, flawed, He is greater than all that.

I wrote this to remind me that although I have experienced hurt and cruel things in life, I need to believe that I am worthy of more, that there is no reason I should accept less because of who I am. I don't mean that as entitlement, but to say that why shouldn't things be right, good and happy for me the same as anyone. God sees us as deserving because of Jesus, we also must accept this and receive it. Although not intentional, I am not keeping my end of the bargain when I embrace fear and doubt instead of God's promises and I am cheating myself out of joy.


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