Journaling

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Used to run a stable and live on a farm, now I am back into banking for awhile. Still have horses and love animals.  

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Changing my life

I guess it could be an age thing or it could be that I've have time to stop and think about things without living constantly from one difficulty to the next. Being a single parent all these years and not really having any family around for support can put a person in the situation where they stop thinking about taking care of themselves and just get into the habit of always thinking of others. Making ends meet, providing for the wants and needs of another person as both father and mother. There hasn't been time for me to be an individual or a woman in many years, I am always wearing my mom hat.

I think mom's are always moms and that is a good thing but there is more to a woman than just that role. Anyway, this week I have been focusing on change for me, it all started the evening I went to the local diner and when we came out there was a large stock trailer outside. It was the kind that is used for moving stock to lets say slaughterhouses, the sign on the truck was indeed a meat producer.

Okay, so there were baby animals on that trailer, they were crying out. It wasn't just calling to each other they were bawling. It broke my heart. I had to get away from it as fast as I could. Kylie and I both agreed that from that moment on our diets would be limited to fish and a little chicken but that was it for meat. I have been on the fence for awhile but the deciding moment had come.

Fruits and veggies, and good grains are really a good lifestyle choice besides the moral issue that I have with other choices of foods. I can't bare the suffering of creatures, I just can't and I'm not going to be an accomplice to it anymore.

The other part of the changes in my thoughts and lifestyle to take better care of myself is a better sleeping schedule, pacing myself but letting things go and enjoy the moments throughout the day with all I've been blessed with and the mother of them all, to stop smoking.

I quit for six years cold turkey but with the last 2 years of going through some things that really were hard to endure I just don't know if I can do it cold turkey this time. I have stopped and started and limited myself, regardless though I am determined to do it. One thing is to focus on Cody and getting myself in shape to ride like I used to, you have to replace a habit with a habit to be successful so I am fighting the battle in my mind and hopefully I will be able to reroute the over anxiety/energy I have that makes me want to be fidgeting all the time.

Hopefully, this summer will bring about a lot of good changes and a new life in a sense. 

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