Journaling

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Used to run a stable and live on a farm, now I am back into banking for awhile. Still have horses and love animals.  

Monday, September 29, 2014

Almost October

I know that most of the spring and summer was pleasant as well as the sunny days of fall but I have not enjoyed these three seasons. I am tired, there aren't many moments where our situation isn't heavily on my mind. There are better days than others of course and Kylie doing well in school is uplifting, the animals are all fine and I continue to try and maintain a productive life to the degree that I can.

I have been promised a job but have waited for several days for an offer letter, I am not sure this job will pull us back from the brink of collapse because it will be largely commission based, I will try my very best to make something of it. School for myself is going okay, programming is interesting but difficult for me mainly because of the amount of focus it takes, my mind is overwhelmed with our situation and I struggle with focusing on anything else.

My sister pledged to help me with the rent and so I know we will be able to stay through October, the horses board is behind and I don't know how I will cure it. We truly are teetering on the very edge of the precipice of becoming homeless.

I have contacted as many agencies as I can, received some help with groceries, my sister is on the second month of paying the utilities. The contract job has not provided any real income and I have taken a job on a hobby farm doing chores in the morning and evening.

I've applied for jobs outside of my recent work experience at all ranges of salaries within reason, I've had interviews in my line of work and have not been hired.

One bright spot is I made a long distance friend who is a wonderful person and has experienced many of the same things I have in my life. Other friends have also stepped up and sent money and provided recommendations for jobs, one of which I am still waiting to receive an official offer letter.

Another bright spot is doing farm chores again and caring for creatures like I used to on our little farm. It keeps me sane, grounded really. There is something within my very soul that needs to be a part of the land and the earth, without it I wither inside.

If I had one dream, one hope or perhaps I have always known that I should have lived a life on a farm or ranch of some kind. My childhood did not permit me to have an opportunity to do what I have always been drawn too, as a tiny child I wanted it so badly. Life happens and you do what you must, it took me a long time as an adult to realize truly where my heart's desire was, it took many years for me to work through things that happened to me as a child.

I don't know what will happen in the coming weeks, I know I will do whatever I can to keep a roof over Kylie's head and continue to try and keep our little band of animals from the shelter or the slaughter. God help me, I don't know how but I'll keep believing and keep trying. 

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