Journaling

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Used to run a stable and live on a farm, now I am back into banking for awhile. Still have horses and love animals.  

Thursday, March 7, 2013

A nice visit from an old friend

Today it was work and a little house cleaning. An old friend stopped by this evening and it was a nice visit. She hadn't seen the house before and it was nice to show her around. We will be dog sitting for her for a week. My friend's dog is a girl and my four boys were all sweet gentlemen.

It was nice to have dinner here with a friend and an animal lover. Nana our parrot had to have pizza too and she was throwing a fit because she had to wait till our guest arrived to have some. Nana always knows when the food is ready and she has zero patience.

We had the fire going, the dogs got crust and Nana had her two pieces of crust and she finally settled down till she didn't like the fact that the sun had gone down and the lights where her cage is were still on. Nana is a high maintenance pet.

Afterwards, Kylie and I went to town to get rabbit food. The bunnies were throwing a fit too because they hadn't had dinner.

Now it's cold and snowing again, I am tired of the cold gray days, it seems like this is the longest winter I can remember. Gray melting into gray days on end, months. It's hard to be motivated to do anything this time of year.

I am hoping the spring is not to wet so that they hay will come on soon and prices will drop. It would be nice to be outside and not have to deal with mud everywhere.

Daylight savings is coming up and I will be happy to see the longer nights too. I keep reminding myself it will all be over in a month or so. I will attempt to have a small garden this year and hope to plant some roses.

I am tired of buying propane and firewood as well, lots of money and picking up and stacking wood. This summer I will stock up on wood and get the garage organized and we will be ready for winter.

Still, it's cold and damp and I am sleepy. I am learning to relax and pace myself more living here. I still miss the barn but being out from under so much stress is good, I still have a lot of debts to payoff but there's food on the table and Kylie and the animals don't have to suffer.

I hate not having Cody home but I know he's well taken care of and when I go see him I am spending time with him instead of working so hard at barn chores. There's time for me too, I am not good at taking care of myself, I am getting enough sleep now and eating better which is all good.

Kylie sometimes studies in my office here while I am doing my work and the dogs are all with me too. Life is funny, I didn't think I would survive last year and I still feel traumatized but here I am safe and am trying to break the habit of worry.

I am grateful for God's blessings, so many people don't believe anymore but God is real and He cares. Over the years all there has been sometimes is God, I know from experience His goodness. It's not because a person does great things or is particularly good. The bible says the sun shines on the good and the evil alike and that God will have mercy on who He pleases. I just know He's here with me always and it is as it pleases Him. His presence in my life pleases me. The older I get the more He is, I feel like He asks me is He enough, and I say yes Lord you are and looking around me it is true He has been enough for I am well cared for.

I sometimes question God on why he doesn't heal my biological family. It saddens me to think that they are so lost with drugs, alcohol, and mental illness. They also have strong metaphysical beliefs that they seem to think gives them control over their environment. It seems like a way to cope with life without relying on someone else, only what you believe you can do with metaphysical tools. I am not going to judge from a Christian standpoint and it being sin it's just that we as humans are limited. I am aware of the spiritual world and how it works and warfare but I am not afraid to give up control and believe in the power of God. I can turn it all over to him and say Father here it is, guide me and protect me.

I pray for my family and God to be with them in the best way He sees fit. I don't know if they would ever be healed and if they did that they would recognize God but they have my prayers and God has my faith, He sees what I cannot see and understands what I cannot know, perhaps that's best.

About this time at night, maybe a little earlier, the house is more quiet. The dogs have given up wondering where I might go next in the house, they all huddle and go to sleep, it's their bedtime. Nana is in her cage under a blanket at her highest perch getting her beauty rest, she loves to watch the sunrise and so she goes to bed early.

The other birds are sleeping too and I am ready to go to bed. A peaceful place that I will have to grasp my pillow and blanket quickly before a dog lands on them. The only noise will be dogs breaths in slumber and the room will be warm and cozy. These are the riches of my life.

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