Journaling

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Used to run a stable and live on a farm, now I am back into banking for awhile. Still have horses and love animals.  

Monday, March 18, 2013

Ice in the A.M.

There was a nice icy rain this morning and the patio was slicker than snot. I still have to start work by 8 a.m but I don't have to drive 36 miles one way to get to work. Thank you Lord for helping find a good job without the terrible commute in dangerous weather.

No one felt real up and spunky today. Nana didn't nag me for breakfast, the dogs where like rugs spread out all day and the horses were blah. It was pretty quiet and I was feeling it myself this morning but as the day wore on I got more energy.

That was it today just regular work and nothing exciting which is a good thing. I did talk to the IRS folks and I have some things to take care of with them and they were really nice on the phone and helpful. Eventually everything will get worked out slowly but surely.

I have to sit on myself to keep from worrying about things though, we wen't through so much and I still feel the panic sometimes. I pray about it and God helps me calm down.

It's hard to be calm I think when you are all alone, I have raised Kylie pretty much on my own and have supported us. I have to make the decisions alone and carry all of the responsibility. My parents are gone, I have a step brother that is around sometimes and a sister in California I talk to on the phone but we never knew each other growing up.

I have missed talking to my Mom all these years about Kylie, the things you like to share with a grandparent. I feel like if I really fell flat on my face there'd be no one to rescue me. I have God and I believe in Him but being human and alone sometimes He is so far away compared to a shoulder here to cry on.

But I only feel abandoned once and awhile and most of the time I feel I can deal with everything and be fine. Everyone has those moments I think where fear gets the best of them.

I have to remember to be in the moment and take the rest as it comes. It's not like I don't have plenty of distractions around here. 

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