Journaling

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Used to run a stable and live on a farm, now I am back into banking for awhile. Still have horses and love animals.  

Monday, January 24, 2011

Just shoot me now or.... dogged determination that is the question

January... oh curse you January. Within seven days we have had a gas line failure, a carbon monoxide issue, a compression fitting failure and a pipe break on the radiator heat source in the living room. The water gushing like a river across the living room floor was today.

I was calm through all of this except for today. I am trying to work and trying to keep things going here with the barn and the business I run. Money is tight, and the winter is cold. (Whining and whining more, sorry)

On the other hand, I am finding that many people I call on the phone have a loved one or they themselves have cancer. I have a friend who just lost her husband a month after they found he had cancer and a client who's family member just got diagnosed with a very aggressive cancer. I am in very good health except for weight I feel really good.

My animals are all healthy, I am not alone I have a beautiful daughter. I believe in God and that He loves me and helps me every step of the way.

Relationships are healing with my dad and Kylie's dad. We have enough to eat, we have heat, and a wonderful fireplace to boot.

We have enough food for the animals and sawdust too. We have good friends and good Samaritans. I am happy and not bitter and I don't feel old and most of the time I don't feel helpless. I have a huge red tractor and a yellow truck with four wheel drive. My other house is rented and is fine. I have two ancient oak trees that I have been honored with on this property. I love trees they have character.

An uneducated, illegitimate child once thought of as possibly mentally impaired because of neglect and abuse after birth who grew up in a trailer park by the river in WV in poverty. Abandoned by parents and later after my adopted mother passed, abandoned by her family. But... I am still climbing the mountain. I may loose steam now and again like today. I might want to throw myself down and just kick and scream with fear and frustration but I won't give up. I'll praise the good Lord today for all that he has given me and the people and situations that he has blessed me with.

I'll keep my eyes upward and onward till my journey's end. I'll raise my daughter and see her off to be a fine young woman. I'll care for this place till one day it will be hers. I love my animals and enjoy them. I'll thank God and Love Him back. 

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