Journaling

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Used to run a stable and live on a farm, now I am back into banking for awhile. Still have horses and love animals.  

Friday, August 22, 2014

God blesses us

These past few days have been very busy because Kylie started school at the career center. Saturday was a wonderful day for Kylie, I took her to drop off something she had borrowed from a friend and we stopped by to see another friend of hers on the way back. Her friend want to giver her a birthday present, I was exhausted and worried sick and I didn't go in with Kylie but when Kylie came out she had a very emotional expression on her face and I asked what was wrong. Kylie was on the verge of tears because her friend gave her an Apple laptop that she didn't need anymore so Kylie would have it for school. Kylie was so moved but so was I because all of these years I have always provided for Kylie, I can't right now and it was the first time someone stepped in to help with something like this and it took a huge weight off my shoulders, I felt terrible about not being able to get her one and thought she'd have to go without until I could but it is all taken care of and that gave me a great deal of peace.

It's terrible to not be able to provide basic things for your child, we have never lived extravagantly, Kylie doesn't have a game system or any of the electronics most teenagers have but she needed a computer for school and I just didn't have a way to meet that need.

Saturday her friend's mom gave me some money to buy groceries, it is always hard accept help for me or even to ask for it, I've been supporting us since Kylie was born, there is very little that her dad has done and now the county can't even collect child support from him because he moved employment. I was glad this time to accept the money and the help I have received from others as well, I just reached a point where I couldn't do anything to make our situation better and I was grateful for having a week that I wouldn't have to worry about feeding Kylie and the animals.

I thank God for giving people a giving and compassionate heart and I ask Him to bless everyone mightily for what they have done for us. There has been times these past two weeks where I just thought everyone would be better off without me, these things that people have done have raised me up and given me hope and so I thank God and them for it.

I got paid today, I earned $212 after taxes, all of it will have to go towards the horse board and a little extra I had saved in my account, we are short $145 which I promised to pay at my next pay. The lease payment to my landlord is $1350 which I will have to come up with at the first of the month, how I do not know. My sister has helped with the utilities and friends have sent us money too to cover different things.

The contract job is getting more and more work in and next paycheck should be much better but I am sure it won't be enough for the lease payment, so I will pray for God to find a way for us next month. I have sent all of our paperwork to the county and I will be going to a food pantry tomorrow. If I can get help with groceries then every dime I get can go towards keeping us in this house.

For now I am okay in my mind and heart, as the days pass I know I will feel panic again as each issue becomes urgent. I am still looking for a job that will cover our monthly expenses and also looking for another job to work while working the contract job. I wish the contract job hadn't lagged so many weeks before picking up it really has made things critical.

On an up note, Kylie started her Precision Machining class at the career center, she is also taking her high school classes there as well. I sent my little girl off to school in her steel toed boots on Tuesday. Not what you'd imagine sending your daughter to school in but she is determined to get certified in precision machining because she loves making things and metal and she wants to go to college and this will help pay for it. She was pretty nervous until yesterday when the teacher had them read blueprints and work with clay to see if they understood them, she said she caught on right a way and did her project to the specifications and the teacher approved her work. That kind of made her feel like she made the right choice.

She feels very alone at school though because she doesn't have a friend there yet but she will soon. She is anxious to get a job again, her teacher told her if she has a good employment record she could get an internship opportunity this year. As soon as we are able I need to get her something to drive, if she gets another job or internship she will earn enough money to have one and she will need it to get to the job.

I'm so glad Kylie went back to a regular school, she is more mature now and she needs to get experience and get out of the house and prepare for life. I don't mean I want her out of the house as in grow up and move out, I mean it is better for her to have a set schedule and teachers face to face and be around other teenagers. I want her to be happy and to be secure when she does move out some day and this is a good thing for her even though it took a little getting used to with it being more of a male program. I can't wait till she makes something in class, it will be very interesting. 

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