Journaling

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Used to run a stable and live on a farm, now I am back into banking for awhile. Still have horses and love animals.  

Saturday, August 9, 2014

God has feelings too

I thought about the past year and how good things were when I was working and I remembered the deep depression I had just before Christmas. I thought of how I wanted all of the horses to be together and I was very unhappy that Cody and Aubrey aren't here with us and boarded out. I thought about I wish I had a home with a barn instead of this big house and land with no fences.

I thought about these things again from the perspective of where we are now in our lives. I realized that all of us have a beautiful home and even though the two bigger horses aren't here now they are very well taken care of where they are at. I also thought about horses that aren't so fortunate. I thought about how fortunate the two little horses are with what I have been able to fence in for them. They have fresh grass a place to be free and not stalled up all of the time. Kylie and the dogs and parrots like this home and they are all safe.

Depression is a powerful affliction, some of what I went through during this time was thoughts of being a failure and not feeling as if I deserved to live.

I prayed to God recently and apologized for not being thankful. I thanked Him for the life He has given me and his Mercy and kindness. I felt the thoughts I had in my depression hurt God's feelings. I felt this strongly because He has done good by us but I wasn't thankful. I took for granted His care for me and that He included all of which I love the most, He has provided for me and Kylie and all of my animals.

I felt things change immediately after this prayer and He restored my hope. I love the Lord and I am sad that I did not think of Him and that is wrong whether it be the Creator of the world or a person or animal friend. I am happy that He instructs me even now on being a better person.

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