Journaling

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Used to run a stable and live on a farm, now I am back into banking for awhile. Still have horses and love animals.  

Sunday, August 3, 2014

It would be a perfect day

Today would have been perfect if it weren't for the huge pendulum swinging over me now of will we survive this month. Kylie and I walked the flea market this morning mainly for exercise. Usually we find something great there and usually don't buy anything but it is still exciting. Today was we found nothing of real interest, there is a greenhouse seller there that has terrific flowers and are very low priced but you can't buy things in our situation. I still enjoyed walking around and the sun was behind the clouds and it was cool.

I am behind on my school work this week because my mind and energy is somewhere else right now. I doubt if I will be able to continue school because family trumps all else but I do need to finish these classes with as high a grade as possible. I've managed to stay around -A in all except Medical Ethics which was an excruciating class to be in and I hadn't written a research paper before. I still managed a b+ though.

I have a wonderful friend in British Columbia that messages me daily and keeps my spirits up and I try to stay positive.

I still have the same resolve as yesterday, I will be working on selling some things this week and looking deeper for options I would not have wanted to consider like jobs in a different state. A person I admire gave me advise when we lost the farm and that was that what matters is you are all still together, that is what is important and you have each other. He was right because my life really is the ones I love and nothing else.

I know too that I matter to my daughter and to my surrogate family of animals. There have been times through the years I have asked God why he let me live (I should have died as an infant) and that was a gross slap in the face to God, I have spilled the milk many times and for most of my life felt like a total misfit but there are ones that need me and ones I have made a difference to and that is something to make you want to embrace life and be thankful for.  

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