Journaling

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Used to run a stable and live on a farm, now I am back into banking for awhile. Still have horses and love animals.  

Friday, August 15, 2014

I'm done

It's 5am in the morning, I've worked furiously on the contract job but it isn't going to be enough. The cutoff for next Friday's pay is tomorrow and it just isn't going to cover the horses. I am not going to go into the morbid details as to just how bad things are right now.

I know that I am done, this is the second time in three years I've gone through this hell and I can't do this anymore. My brother is sick in Cleveland and he can't help us, I haven't even heard from him in a month and he doesn't need to be burdened anymore than he already is.

My sister in California takes care of a bed ridden husband, my other sister who is a terrible alcoholic, my uncle who has been unemployed for two years now and my disabled brother. She does not need to be burdened with my problems either.

I just can't do this anymore, I've tried everything I can think of and I am forced now to face reality. I can't save these animals or myself or Kylie. I can't stop this from happening. It is time I went underground, no more blog posts or Facebook. I have to accept what is happening and live through it, I'm alone except for God and I am at the point where I question Him and I wonder if He has heard my prayers or if this all is His will for me, I will have to let the horses and animals go. There is no other way and soon we will have to move.

I just can't go on anymore, I'm finished. 

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