Journaling

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Used to run a stable and live on a farm, now I am back into banking for awhile. Still have horses and love animals.  

Sunday, July 15, 2012

The farm chores, life reflections and all of the above

Getting home on Friday I got a call from our hay farmer. He had 135 bales ear marked for us and I had to pick it up this weekend. I of course was delighted to get the call but didn't have time to round up a crew to unload the hay and stack it. Saturday afternoon Kylie and I went and got the hay wagon and unloaded and stacked the hay. I groomed a dog Saturday and did some running around. Kylie and the dogs where sorely missing me so I spent most of my time this weekend staying close to them.

I realized why I was so anxious at the hotel at night when I did night chores Friday. I always know when I am home when I need to go out and feed, close the barn down, and do a horse check. My routine gives me peace and a good feeling before I go to bed. I realized how blessed I am and what a special life I have at home.

Traveling, a really nice hotel room, good food etc. is nice but the luxuries don't compare to my home no matter how bad it looks from the outside (pealing paint etc.) I observed many people coming and going at the hotel, the way they chose to spend their time (mostly drinking), their conversations, how they feel about the outside, the weather etc. I listened to people complaining about the wonderful accommodations at the hotel and the very nice rental cars they were driving. I felt on one hand it was kind of humorous and on the other I felt a sort of disbelief at the sense of entitlement and lack of appreciation about anything. Really, most of what I observed was about competition which in the material realm has basically become a sole purpose in life for many.

I guess growing up in a trailer park next to the Ohio river in poverty turned out to be a blessing. I am so happy and really don't give a rat's a-- about whether folks envy me or if I can out do them. I'm very grateful for the life I have been blessed to have lived. Everyone has regrets but for the most part it's been a wonderful adventure and I have been more fortunate than most people in the world, literally.

I have been praying about the farm and you know the most important thing is to keep Kylie, me and the animals together. I've given over everything to the Lord, I trust Him and I have to believe He'll take us where we need to be, I also as much as it will break my heart, have to accept His will if it conflicts with mine. I also know that the farm isn't just about us if we can keep it, if God sees fit to bless us with it I have to be a good steward and glorify Him with it. I don't want to forget that I have been in need, desperate at times and just go on living without taking the lessons and tests and doing something with them. Surely, I can do something to make others lives better, somehow to open up to the world and provide some peace, solace and acceptance to those in need of it.

God is merciful, so merciful, a good parent and I appreciate everything including the struggles, the disappointments, as well as the lovely things. All of it good and bad is part of me and I am my own mosaic that God the great creator, the master artist has designed. Should I be truly blessed to mirror Him even in just a shard of light, I have accomplished my purpose. 

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