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Used to run a stable and live on a farm, now I am back into banking for awhile. Still have horses and love animals.  

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Grieving, an Empty Stall, the Walk to the Barn

Yesterday was hard. It was time. Rauls was ready. I tried to give him food but he wouldn't swallow. He wanted out and we took him to the pasture, he didn't want to come back into the barn. He looked beyond the barn to the large pasture with the big oak tree and we let him lead us there. Rauls knew where he was and that we were all with him and loved him. Saying goodbye was hard I wanted to be selfish and keep him and touch his soft coat longer but knowing what was ahead if we didn't let him go was not comforting. So one last caress.

This morning I looked for him in his stall because we had nice times in the morning. Rauls wasn't there and I am sad. But, there is a view from the sun room and also when walking from the back door to the barn. It is a place in a sweet pasture under a nice oak tree. I know where a horse rests nearby who's soul has great spirit but ancient body longed to return to the earth. He is free of age, and body to embrace the wind and is the wind.

I will grieve for many mornings to come but I have no regrets in knowing Rauls even for the short time he was here at the farm. There are moments, people, animals that can change your life forever. If I did not know what my purpose was in life before, I do now. A 34 year old horse made a difference. He changed the world for the better because other horses will come here and follow him down the same path and we will help them along their journey with love and patience.

I am full of sorrow for loosing Rauls because I loved him very much but I have joy for knowing him. Love is always a risk and most certainly guarantees happiness, sadness, joy and sorrow. I can't end this without saying that God's love is greater than ours and even though our hearts may burst with happiness or sorrow His is still greater. How wonderful of God to share Rauls with all of us and trust us to care for him. Loosing Rauls in this life was very painful but the Lord loves all of His creatures and they as we are also belong to Him and will return to Him in time. No more pain or sorrow, no more blindness or hunger, only to be free and to be the wind again.

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